I've decided to do something useful with my time. So, what is the best programming language to start off with? I was thinking Java but apparently you'll learn it better if you learn something like C++ first. Is this true? If not, where would be a good place to start?

There are so many "Help me get started" topics here. Just browse the info in them and I'm sure it'll point you in the right direction. Most of them just boast about the "power" and "speed" of C++ but it's really only the best option if you're a few notches above amateurish level programming. Again, most of the topics will link you to tutorials online but I personally have difficulty following them and most of them have no email to the author for further help. I would recommend any programming language honestly, but instead of the online tutorials, I'd pick up a programming book. They're incredibly handy and since they're published works they are forced to site sources and other links to help you.

Although, I am a below average programmer.. so you don't have to follow my suggestions.

learn w/e you want, I honestly don't think it matters much in the end

java or C++ would be my choices

c++ is probably the best because it's the strictest and has the least room for error but also the most control over your program, which forces you to have really good programming practices if you swap to another language. most other languages are based off of it or C, so the stuff you learn for c++ will be transferable as well.

He's asking for the best program to start off with. You're throwing him right into the deep end here.

I've actually heard C++ is one of the best for beginners

it is for the reasons i said
it isnt the easiest but it sets you up the best for learning other languages if you ever want to do that

Both Java and C++ are great for beginners, but like Tid said, C++ is especially great because you'll make lots of mistakes, but you'll learn quickly from them. Also it doesn't really assist your code at all unlike other languages, so it'll teach you proper coding faster than others.