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Joseph Vaylen 
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:05 pm
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The name is a placeholder until I can think of something better, as I'm terrible with names. Also note that this character is supposed to be a character for a different roleplay entirely (Explaining the steampunk setting and this ever so confusing "Sound of Madness"), so don't bother too much with the background, though you are welcome to take as much of a crack at it as you are the rest.

Name: Joseph Vaylen

Age: 26

Race: Human

Appearance: Joseph stands at a rough 5'9, perhaps a few inches taller then the average adult human of his era. His hair is a lightish brown and kept short, though he generally pays no heed to it. Though his eyes are a natural emerald green, this is the only distinct feature on his otherwise battered face from harsh living conditions. Though he had lived in the desert, his skin-tone had always stayed somewhat light. Though amenities like clothing are difficult to find in any good condition, Joseph has a dark green tunic and simple black leggings. Over the shirt is a sand-colored leather coat going no further then his waistline, battered and worn through it's many years of wear. When expecting combat he will wear medium-weight armor, particularly a set of chainmail around his torso and legs and steel plate boots on his feet. Often when handling his weapons he will wear simple leather gloves to prevent burns, though they are too thin to make any large impact. His rifle, the "Karsk" as he has grown fond of calling it, is perhaps the most valuable thing he posesses. Made out of a treated light oak, It is often slung and secured over his shoulder and by a leather strap. Strapped to his left leg and traveling up to just below his waist is an ashwood scabbard, the hilt of the blade somewhat ornate for such an old piece of technology as if it had seen many parts far newer then the blade itself.

Equipment: Joseph sports a modified bolt-action rifle he simply calls the "Karsk". This rifle in particular is fit with a large scope, and through several sheets of glass and metal, is able to zoom in and out up to 20x, as such making it rather bulky. The main selling point, however, is it's ability to pressurize and heat materials within it's barrel, thus allowing him to make ammo out of almost anything. This is done through a magical fire, heating the chamber which then "compresses" the material into a rough projectile. This, of course, uses steam, which the gun also generates via a heated chemical compound in conjunction with the flames. As such it tends to heat up to a point where protection must be worn to handle it any further. Nonetheless it is very self-sufficient and far more powerful than standard blackpowder rifles. In his sack he keeps a small box of high-calibre bullets of the traditional sense, though they are small in number, and several sizes of materials to turn into makeshift ammunition.

Additionally, Joseph has a strange sword kept in a black wooden scabbard on his left leg. A barbed chain travels along the entirety of it's blade, ending at a tanned leather wrapped hilt. On the back of the hilt is a small red button, placed accurately for easy access (and more importantly, grip). The blade itself is covered with gears of various sizes on both sides, making it quite hefty. When the button is pressed the gears begin to turn, initially given life by steam, then kept turning further through minor enchantments. Then, the chain begins spinning rapidly, effectively forming a "Chainsaw-sword". Despite it's power it is very difficult to control being powered by an unholy mixture of both steam and gearworks, sometimes too much power will be generated and the sword will, in simple terms "kick". It isn't the most reliable melee arm, but it tends to get the job done.

Background: Joseph had, before the disaster of the Sound of Madness lived in the City of Steam as it was called by it's peasants, given the official name "Valonel" after it's founder Valonel Firvyne. This great city was made completely out of metal and glass, powered by steam and it's almost infinite uses. Of course, this city being the pinnacle of technology of the time, it was only natural that this city was one of the few completely unaffected by the Sound of Madness, interestingly enough made by the very same people who had founded the city. He had lived in a small neighbourhood and an equally small house with his wife and two children (and married only mere years before the disaster that would be), finding work in making and selling gears, this being something of a family business When the Sound of Madness had come, it echoed off the cold steel the city was made from and drove many to death, and many more to insanity. Joseph was one of the handful to survive mostly unscathed, though his family was not as lucky as he had been. They had perished with the Sound, found huddled in a cellar corner. Joseph had survived in the now silent city by scavenging and hunting before setting off into the desert sands that surrounded the city, eventually taking up residence in a small, green village in the middle of nowhere by the name of "Balrurl". He lived here for many years, until the Sound of Madness began to echo again and finally brought him to attempt to destroy it or at least end his life trying, a sense of blind revenge driving him forward.


Last edited by Kyzak on Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Wed Oct 21, 2009 7:29 pm

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I was gonna say Tl;Dr, but I felt bad because that wasn't so long

I still didn't read it though

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Wed Oct 21, 2009 11:32 pm
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then why are you posting goddamn


Wed Oct 21, 2009 11:47 pm
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tl;dr


Thu Oct 22, 2009 3:02 pm
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Kyzak wrote:
The name is a placeholder until I can think of something better, as I'm terrible with names. Also note that this character is supposed to be a character for a different roleplay entirely (Explaining the steampunk setting and this ever so confusing "Sound of Madness"), so don't bother too much with the background, though you are welcome to take as much of a crack at it as you are the rest. Know that most of this is rough, written over the course of two or three hours and only briefly looked over before posting it here.

Name: Joseph Vaelin Why not just call him Joseph Stalin/Valium?

Age: 26

Race: Human

Appearance: Joseph stands at a rough 5'9, perhaps a few inches taller then the average adult human METRIC f***, CAN YOU USE IT?. His hair is raven black and short Bad idea to ever use raven black, unless this is in going with an emo or goth theme, generally left alone, so long as it keeps out of his eyes. His eyes are green, the only distinct feature on his otherwise normal face. His skin-tone is rather average despite living in the scorching sun of a desert for many years.Three sentences starting with "his" is a sign that you need to LERN2VARYURSENTENCESTRUCTURE He normally wears a simple black cloth shirt which was, of course ripped, though these were only small, subtle ones, and over it a thin brownish Bad-ish, be more specific. Tan? Dark? Dirt? Sand? Light? leather coat with various large pockets on the inside, battered and worn from multiple years of use. Usually he has a leather sack slung over his shoulder, as well, made out of the same leather his coat is, and in just as bad a condition Surely you could use an idiom here. His pants, however, Are you missing somethin here? simple leather leggings (of the same type, of course), and seem to be in as good shape. His shoes are equally generic, simple boots of indeterminate colour fit for harsh terrain. Often when handling his weapons he will wear simple leather gloves to prevent getting burned try using "burns". His rifle, the "Karsk" as he has grown fond of calling it, is perhaps the most valuable thing he holds "owns" perhaps?, often slung over his shoulder and on his back with "by" could work better a leather strap. It is made out of a light oak, often polished to give it a sheen. Strapped to his left leg is a blackwood scabbard, a seemingly generic hilt sticking out of it.
You need to stop using generic, <generic use of Lord's name in vain>

Equipment: Joseph sports a modified bolt-action rifle he simply calls the "Karsk". This rifle in particular is fit with a large scope, and, through several sheets of glass and metal, is able to zoom in and unzoom out up to 20x magnification. As such it is rather bulky. The main selling point, however, is it's ability to pressurize and heat materials within it's barrel, thus allowing him to make ammo out of almost anything. This is done through a magical fire, heating the chamber which then the chamber "compressing" compresses the material into a rough bullet-form "projectile". This, of course, takes steam "uses" is a better verb, which the gun also generates via a particularly hot chemical compound I'd say "exothermic chemical reaction" but that's just the chemist in me speaking in conjunction with the magical fire. As such, it tends to heat up, though not to the extent the wood begins to burn I'm assuming its magic or pressure that allows for this.. Nonetheless it is very self-sufficient and far more powerful then than standard flintlock-design "blackpowder" rifles. In his sack he keeps a small box of high-caliber calibre bullets of the traditional sense, though they are small in number, and several sizes of different materials to turn into makeshift ammo.

Additionally, Joseph has a strange sword kept in a black, wooden scabbard on his left leg. A barbed chain travels along the entirety of it's blade, ending at a leather-wrapped wooden hilt. On the back of the hilt is a small, red button, placed accurately for easy access (and, more importantly, grip). The blade itself is covered with gears of various sizes on both sides, making it quite hefty. When the button is pressed the gears begin to turn, initially given life by steam, then kept turning further through minor enchantments. Then, the chain begins spinning rapidly, effectively forming a "Chainsaw-sword". ITS A CHAINSWORD! Despite it's power, it is very difficult to control, being powered by an unholy mixture of both steam and gearworks, sometimes too much power will be generated and the sword will, in simple terms "kick". It isn't the most reliable melee arm, but it tends to get the job done.

Background: Joseph had, before the mess "debacle", "disaster", "echoes" of the Sound of Madness, lived in the City of Steam, given the name "Valonel" after it's founder, Valonel Firvyne. This great city was made completely out of sheets of metal and glass, powered by steam and it's almost infinite uses. Of course, this city being the pinnacle of technology of the time, it was only natural that this city was one of the few completely unfazed "untouched", "unaffected" by the Sound of Madness, interestingly enough made by the very same people who had founded the city. He had lived in a small neighbourhood and an equally small house with his wife and two children (which, interestingly enough, had happened a few short years before You're using "interestingly enough" too close to each other), finding work in making and selling gears, this being something of a family business. When the Sound of Madness had come, it echoed off the cold steel the city was made from and drove many to death, and many more to insanity. Joseph was one of the handful to survive mostly unscathed, though his family was not as lucky as he had been. They had perished with the Sound, found huddled in a cellar corner. Joseph had survived in the now silent city by scavenging and hunting before setting off into the desert sands that surrounded the city, eventually taking up residence in a small, green village by the name of "Balrurl". He lived here for many years, until the Sound of Madness began to play again and finally brought him to attempt to destroy it, or at least end his life trying, some replace "some" with "a"sense of blind revenge driving him forward.

Opinions in bold.
Corrections in italics and strikeouts.

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Thu Oct 22, 2009 4:04 pm
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why is black hair a bad idea when tons of people go for silver hair?


Fri Oct 23, 2009 3:29 pm
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:'( wrote:
why is black hair a bad idea when tons of people go for silver hair?

Its the "raven" I don't like. That and a raven can be albino.

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Fri Oct 23, 2009 4:13 pm
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A raven can have its feathers plucked and end up pink/red

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Sat Oct 24, 2009 4:10 am
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It's just a term, Thai.

Nonetheless, this character's under work in an attempt to capture him as I had imagined him.


Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:06 pm
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so uh, did you leave out the part where he's half dragon?


Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:19 pm
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Thaiberium wrote:
:'( wrote:
why is black hair a bad idea when tons of people go for silver hair?

Its the "raven" I don't like. That and a raven can be albino.

Albino hair is cool though
Especially with vitilligo

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Sat Oct 24, 2009 7:50 pm
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Thaiberium wrote:
Kyzak wrote:
The name is a placeholder until I can think of something better, as I'm terrible with names. Also note that this character is supposed to be a character for a different roleplay entirely (Explaining the steampunk setting and this ever so confusing "Sound of Madness"), so don't bother too much with the background, though you are welcome to take as much of a crack at it as you are the rest. Know that most of this is rough, written over the course of two or three hours and only briefly looked over before posting it here.

Name: Joseph Vaelin Why not just call him Joseph Stalin/Valium?

Age: 26

Race: Human

Appearance: Joseph stands at a rough 5'9, perhaps a few inches taller then the average adult human METRIC f***, CAN YOU USE IT?. His hair is raven black and short Bad idea to ever use raven black, unless this is in going with an emo or goth theme, generally left alone, so long as it keeps out of his eyes. His eyes are green, the only distinct feature on his otherwise normal face. His skin-tone is rather average despite living in the scorching sun of a desert for many years.Three sentences starting with "his" is a sign that you need to LERN2VARYURSENTENCESTRUCTURE He normally wears a simple black cloth shirt which was, of course ripped, though these were only small, subtle ones, and over it a thin brownish Bad-ish, be more specific. Tan? Dark? Dirt? Sand? Light? leather coat with various large pockets on the inside, battered and worn from multiple years of use. Usually he has a leather sack slung over his shoulder, as well, made out of the same leather his coat is, and in just as bad a condition Surely you could use an idiom here. His pants, however, Are you missing somethin here? simple leather leggings (of the same type, of course), and seem to be in as good shape. His shoes are equally generic, simple boots of indeterminate colour fit for harsh terrain. Often when handling his weapons he will wear simple leather gloves to prevent getting burned try using "burns". His rifle, the "Karsk" as he has grown fond of calling it, is perhaps the most valuable thing he holds "owns" perhaps?, often slung over his shoulder and on his back with "by" could work better a leather strap. It is made out of a light oak, often polished to give it a sheen. Strapped to his left leg is a blackwood scabbard, a seemingly generic hilt sticking out of it.
You need to stop using generic, <generic use of Lord's name in vain>

Equipment: Joseph sports a modified bolt-action rifle he simply calls the "Karsk". This rifle in particular is fit with a large scope, and, through several sheets of glass and metal, is able to zoom in and unzoom out up to 20x magnification. As such it is rather bulky. The main selling point, however, is it's ability to pressurize and heat materials within it's barrel, thus allowing him to make ammo out of almost anything. This is done through a magical fire, heating the chamber which then the chamber "compressing" compresses the material into a rough bullet-form "projectile". This, of course, takes steam "uses" is a better verb, which the gun also generates via a particularly hot chemical compound I'd say "exothermic chemical reaction" but that's just the chemist in me speaking in conjunction with the magical fire. As such, it tends to heat up, though not to the extent the wood begins to burn I'm assuming its magic or pressure that allows for this.. Nonetheless it is very self-sufficient and far more powerful then than standard flintlock-design "blackpowder" rifles. In his sack he keeps a small box of high-caliber calibre bullets of the traditional sense, though they are small in number, and several sizes of different materials to turn into makeshift ammo.

Additionally, Joseph has a strange sword kept in a black, wooden scabbard on his left leg. A barbed chain travels along the entirety of it's blade, ending at a leather-wrapped wooden hilt. On the back of the hilt is a small, red button, placed accurately for easy access (and, more importantly, grip). The blade itself is covered with gears of various sizes on both sides, making it quite hefty. When the button is pressed the gears begin to turn, initially given life by steam, then kept turning further through minor enchantments. Then, the chain begins spinning rapidly, effectively forming a "Chainsaw-sword". ITS A CHAINSWORD! Despite it's power, it is very difficult to control, being powered by an unholy mixture of both steam and gearworks, sometimes too much power will be generated and the sword will, in simple terms "kick". It isn't the most reliable melee arm, but it tends to get the job done.

Background: Joseph had, before the mess "debacle", "disaster", "echoes" of the Sound of Madness, lived in the City of Steam, given the name "Valonel" after it's founder, Valonel Firvyne. This great city was made completely out of sheets of metal and glass, powered by steam and it's almost infinite uses. Of course, this city being the pinnacle of technology of the time, it was only natural that this city was one of the few completely unfazed "untouched", "unaffected" by the Sound of Madness, interestingly enough made by the very same people who had founded the city. He had lived in a small neighbourhood and an equally small house with his wife and two children (which, interestingly enough, had happened a few short years before You're using "interestingly enough" too close to each other), finding work in making and selling gears, this being something of a family business. When the Sound of Madness had come, it echoed off the cold steel the city was made from and drove many to death, and many more to insanity. Joseph was one of the handful to survive mostly unscathed, though his family was not as lucky as he had been. They had perished with the Sound, found huddled in a cellar corner. Joseph had survived in the now silent city by scavenging and hunting before setting off into the desert sands that surrounded the city, eventually taking up residence in a small, green village by the name of "Balrurl". He lived here for many years, until the Sound of Madness began to play again and finally brought him to attempt to destroy it, or at least end his life trying, some replace "some" with "a"sense of blind revenge driving him forward.

Opinions in bold.
Corrections in italics and strikeouts.


Metric is for losers. Learn to think like a dumbass American for once...

(Even though I'm pretty sure you aren't in the US.)

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Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:30 pm
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TheUselessGuy wrote:
Metric is for losers. Learn to think like a dumbass American for once...

(Even though I'm pretty sure you aren't in the US.)

Why would I want to think like a dumbass American? I mean its Kyzak and he isn't that much of a dumbass in the first place.

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Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:26 pm

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Thaiberium wrote:
TheUselessGuy wrote:
Metric is for losers. Learn to think like a dumbass American for once...

(Even though I'm pretty sure you aren't in the US.)

Why would I want to think like a dumbass American? I mean its Kyzak and he isn't that much of a dumbass in the first place.


Unlike this american, who can't even use the common sense if someone wants to see a huge f*** post, they can scroll up instead of someone quoting it.

At any rate, I haven't worked on this much as of late. What I do have down isn't enough to update the bio, so I suppose I should get off my a** and work on it!

:'( wrote:
so uh, did you leave out the part where he's half dragon?


totally


Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:30 pm
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 6:10 am
Posts: 521
Character is crap.

You have more information on his equipment than his background, that says it's s*** right off the bat without reading it. Oh, and I did read it btw, stand by my statement.

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Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:50 am
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