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Kyzak
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:05 pm Posts: 1527 Location: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*♥:・゚✧
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I'm seeing no constructive criticism in that post, though I suppose I deserve the same I dish out.
I said right off the bat this was in the works, though perhaps I should have also said that this character (at least here) is meant to be more of an arena character rather then geared toward an actual RP (of which I only see less then a handful worth expending any effort over, anyway).
At any rate, there's more detail on the weapons because I had more to write about and less on the background because, as I've stated, it's in the works. I'm not exactly a good writer, so I can only write something so long before it starts to get monotonous and dry. Hence why I post this here to get aforementioned constructive criticism.
If you really want to hurt my feelings, though, you might try for something similar to what SS did, only brutal.
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Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:13 am |
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Kyzak
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:05 pm Posts: 1527 Location: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*♥:・゚✧
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Minor update. Rewording, slight additions, and soforth.
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Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:16 pm |
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Zesper
Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 11:11 pm Posts: 530
Gender: Male
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I like it.
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Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:34 pm |
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Copy'n'Paste
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am Posts: 606
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| | | | Kyzak wrote: The name is a placeholder until I can think of something better, as I'm terrible with names. Also note that this character is supposed to be a character for a different roleplay entirely (Explaining the steampunk setting and this ever so confusing "Sound of Madness"), so don't bother too much with the background, though you are welcome to take as much of a crack at it as you are the rest.
Name: Joseph Vaylen Nothing to say.
Age: 26 Yay, not a child prodigy.
Race: Human Yay, normal.
Appearance: Joseph stands at a rough 5'9, perhaps a few inches taller then the average adult human of his era. His hair is a lightish brown and kept short, though he generally pays no heed to it. Though his eyes are a natural emerald green, this is the only distinct feature on his otherwise battered face from harsh living conditions. Though he had lived in the desert, his skin-tone had always stayed somewhat light. Though amenities like clothing are difficult to find in any good condition, Joseph has a dark green tunic and simple black leggings. Over the shirt is a sand-colored leather coat going no further then his waistline, battered and worn through it's ITS OMFG many years of wear. When expecting combat he will wear medium-weight armor, particularly a set of chainmail around his torso and legs and steel plate boots on his feet. Often when handling his weapons he will wear simple leather gloves to prevent burns, though they are too thin to make any large impact. His rifle, the "Karsk" as he has grown fond of calling it, is perhaps the most valuable thing he posesses POSSESSES, spelling plz. Made out of a treated light oak, It No need for capital there is often slung and secured over his shoulder and by a leather strap. Strapped to his left leg and traveling up to just below his waist is an ashwood scabbard, the hilt of the blade somewhat ornate for such an old piece of technology as if it had seen many parts far newer then the blade itself. OMG KYZAK DOESN'T KNOW THE IT'S/ITS RULE D:
Equipment: Joseph sports a modified bolt-action rifle he simply calls the "Karsk". This rifle in particular is fit with a large scope, and through several sheets of glass and metal, is able to zoom in and out up to 20x, as such making it rather bulky. The main selling point, however, is it's ITS ability to pressurize and heat materials within it's You know what I'm gonna say barrel, thus allowing him to make ammo out of almost anything. This is done through a magical fire, heating the chamber which then "compresses" the material into a rough projectile. This, of course, uses steam, which the gun also generates via a heated chemical compound in conjunction with the flames. As such it tends to heat up to a point where protection must be worn to handle it any further. Nonetheless it is very self-sufficient and far more powerful than standard blackpowder rifles. In his sack he keeps a small box of high-calibre caliber bullets of the traditional sense, though they are small in number, and several sizes of materials to turn into makeshift ammunition.
Additionally, Joseph has a strange sword kept in a black wooden scabbard on his left leg. A barbed chain travels along the entirety of it's blade, ending at a tanned leather wrapped hilt. On the back of the hilt is a small red button, placed accurately for easy access (and more importantly, grip). The blade itself is covered with gears of various sizes on both sides, making it quite hefty. When the button is pressed the gears begin to turn, initially given life by steam, then kept turning further through minor enchantments. Then, the chain begins spinning rapidly, effectively forming a "Chainsaw-sword". Despite it's tl;dr power it is very difficult to control being powered by an unholy mixture of both steam and gearworks, sometimes too much power will be generated and the sword will, in simple terms "kick". It isn't the most reliable melee arm, but it tends to get the job done.
Background: Joseph had, before the disaster of the Sound of Madness lived in the City of Steam as it was called by it's tl;dr peasants, given the official name "Valonel" after it's tl;dr founder Valonel Firvyne Would be nice to know how it's pronounced, imo.. This great city was made completely out of metal and glass, powered by steam and it's tl;dr almost infinite uses. Of course, this city being the pinnacle of technology of the time, it was only natural that this city was one of the few completely unaffected by the Sound of Madness, interestingly enough made by the very same people who had founded the city. He had lived in a small neighbourhood and an equally small house with his wife and two children (and married only mere years before the disaster that would be), finding work in making and selling gears, this being something of a family business When the Sound of Madness had come, it echoed off the cold steel the city was made from and drove many to death, and many more to insanity. Joseph was one of the handful to survive mostly unscathed, though his family was not as lucky as he had been. They had perished with the Sound, found huddled in a cellar corner. Joseph had survived in the now silent city by scavenging and hunting before setting off into the desert sands that surrounded the city, eventually taking up residence in a small, green village in the middle of nowhere by the name of "Balrurl" Would be nice to know how it's pronounced, imo.. He lived here for many years, until the Sound of Madness began to echo again and finally brought him to attempt to destroy it or at least end his life trying, a sense of blind revenge driving him forward. | | | | |
Comments in #8000BF. KYZAK. DAMMIT. IT'S/ITS. IT'S = IT IS. ITS = POSSESSIVE. ITS founder. IT'S whatever it's called. You should know that by now ;_; This is just a rectification on the wording, though. I'll need to reread it to ask more questions.
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Fri Nov 13, 2009 5:33 am |
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SS
Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:38 am Posts: 6670 Location: Darkest Antartica Country:
Gender: Male
Skype: Thaiberium
Currently Playing: The Game
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I'm going to gut you, kid.
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Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:38 am |
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Copy'n'Paste
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am Posts: 606
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What? I only pointed out that it was Caliber... Calibre is underlined as a spelling mistake under Firefox. Wait. Now I got doubts ;_;
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Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:17 pm |
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SS
Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:38 am Posts: 6670 Location: Darkest Antartica Country:
Gender: Male
Skype: Thaiberium
Currently Playing: The Game
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You're using the Americanish dictionary I bet. Here, install this on your MoFi.
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Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:49 pm |
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Kyzak
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:05 pm Posts: 1527 Location: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*♥:・゚✧
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It's/Its is one of those words I have trouble to the point of mixing the two up very, very often. Something I've been trying to work out, but apparently I've failed so far.
At any rate, awaiting your full review.
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Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:18 am |
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SS
Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:38 am Posts: 6670 Location: Darkest Antartica Country:
Gender: Male
Skype: Thaiberium
Currently Playing: The Game
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Sat Nov 14, 2009 4:27 am |
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Copy'n'Paste
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am Posts: 606
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I think he's talking 'bout mine. Which will probably be at the end of this week, Sunday afternoon.
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Sat Nov 14, 2009 5:14 am |
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{420}sMoKeWeEd{420}
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:03 pm Posts: 2825 Location: being a genius Gender: little girl Country:
Gender: Anime Girl
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A dog lost its foot. The dog looks like it's dying.
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Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:57 pm |
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