Could someone get me a band-aid?
I think I've been CUT b****.

Yeah, I was born with my umbilical cord strangling me.

That's right, on the day of my birth, my mother nearly did me in.

i have Sickle Cell Anemia
believe me its sucks

Yes, I believe in its sucks.

Born with jaundice, I was born yellow and had to be put under a UV light for a night.

Then when I was 3 me and a friend got into the medicine cabinet because someone left it open and I nearly had liver failure...

...They made me drink charcoal...I will never forget that.

So yeah, both of these things nearly killed me twice, and both had to do with my liver.

So hopefully, my liver isn't the organ that does me in....

Wait a minute, what? You and your friends poured gasoline, lighter fluid, 50 year old single old ladies garbage, wait, what? And you fill it with used tissues and burn it, and backflip into 8 ft water and jump off his house roof? What the hell?

You know what, I'm done, you're driving me crazy.

It happens to everyone.. I liked the part when there was an explosion.

Like Kiki, I almost drown in a pool. Very common when you don't know how to swim.

Well, guess what, it hasn't happened to me. Yet.

lol srry bout tht mistake i ment it sucks

I just cut myself.
I'm bleeding like hell!

Was playing soft ball on Saturday during a vacation for my school's marching band peepz. Didn't happen to me specifically, but someone swung the bat and then threw it behind him afterwards, causing it to fly mere centimeters from the bridge of one of my friends' nose.

I was at this baseball field to see my friend, and he was playing with his friends, and my friend was batting. I was a dumbass at the time, so I came up to him and then he swung an aluminum bat (even worse than a wooden bat) at my forehead. I could have sworn I was going to have amnesia or something, but I didn't, and I had like this circular 2 inch lump on my forehead for a few months. It sucked so bad.

I was ridin' my pimped out magenta tricycle when I was eight. I didn't know how to stop. So there I was ridin' along listenin' to Dora the explorer on Tape (Swiper, No Swiping) and This huge Red Ford Truck comes towards me. I didn't stop, I was Petrified. The truck-driver stops just an inch in front of my Big wheel.

My pants will never be rid of the huge brown stain.

One of these days you should change your pants