I thought that MG Forums could use a little more humor and liveliness.
Basically you rate the above poster's joke then you post your own! Simple!
I'll start:

0/0

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat next to the dog. The cat walks from heat to toe of the body, poking and sniffing, looks at the vet and meows. The vet says "The cat thinks your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept this, and demands for another opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks head to tail, and looks at the vet and barks. "I'm sorry," Said the vet "but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes the vet. The vet answers "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man. The vet responded "Well... I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

I get it, but not really funny. Maybe 7/10.

A guy was hitch-hiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was getting on and no cars went by. Suddenly he saw a car roll slowly toward him and stop.

Without thinking about it, the guy jumped into the back seat and closed the door when he suddenly realized there was nobody behind the wheel! Just then the car started slowly rolling forward again. He was beginning to get really freaked out when he noticed a curve in the road ahead. He was just thinking about climbing into the front seat when a hand mysteriously appeared through the window and moved the wheel.

The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time right before a curve.

Gathering his courage, the guy finally jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a restaurant and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same rest- aurant. They were looking around for a table when one said to the other, "Hey, look, isn't that the jerk who got in the car when we were pushing it?"

^Taken from ArcaMax jokes

i would say 2/10

that is realy ancint humor



a man goes to the doctor and says

doctor i need help when i eat carrot carrot comes out
when i eat chicken chicken comes out
please doctor tell me how to make s*** come out again

and the doctor says

well thats an easy one

eat s***

0/10...

Knock knock

Who's there

Boo

boo-who?

Stop crying you little b****

10/10 for how corny it was.

There's a plane going from USA to Canada. It crashed right on the border. Where do they bury the survivors? :3

EDIT: Answer this if you like.
You don't bury survivors...

8/10

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her and began to feel humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat, and he seemed more amused.

She moved again, and then on her fourth move, he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was:

When the lady boarded the bus, I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an s**** that read, "Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins." Then she moved under a sign that read, "Sloan's Liniments remove swelling."

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving s**** that read, "William's Stick Did the Trick."

Then I could not control myself any longer when, on the fourth move, she sat under an s**** that read, "Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident."

The case was dismissed.

eh 6/10

okay guys what do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
nacho (not yo) cheese!
lollol

2/10.

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office and says, "Doctor, doctor!"

The doctor looks over at him and says, "What's the matter?"

The man responds, "I keep having these weird delusions that I'm a dog."

"This is pretty common," said the doctor. "Why don't you lie down on the couch and tell me about it?"

"Oh, no, doctor, I can't do that," the man replied.

"Why not?" questioned the doctor.

"Because," said the man, "I'm not allowed up on the furniture."

wow what a f*** cheesy joke

You forgot to rate and post a new joke.

no shut up

0/10 I've heard that one before. It wasn't funny the first time.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!

0/10. I still don't get that one.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
lol u eet ur poo?

1/10 because what

What's funnier than a dead fetus?
A dead fetus (In a clown costume!)

0/10

Little Johnny went to his 1st day of school

Teacher:Johnny what is the first letter of the alfabet?
Johnny:IDK teacher
(it just gos one like hat untill the 4th letter)
Teacher:ok Johnny ur homework is to learn the alfabet
Johnny:yes teacher

when Johnny gets home he finds his mother on the phone

Johnny:mum whatsthe 1st letter of te alfabet?
Mother:SHUT THE f*** UP!! CANT U SEE AM TALKIN?!?!!?
Johnny:thanks mum

then Johnny goes to his big brother who is watching Super-Man and does not listen to a word Johnny says

Johnny:sup bro, say... whats the 2nd letter of the alfabet?
Brother:I`m Super-Man!!
Johnny:thnx

next little johnny goes to his fathere he`s watchng football and just like is brother, wasnt listening to johmmy

Johnny:(as his dad`s favorite team scores)hey dad whats the 2nd letter of the alfabet?
Father:YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Johnny:thnx dad

he finaly goes to his younger sister who liks cars and ws playing with a little Ferrary

Johnny:sis, whats the 4th letter ofthe alfabet?
Sister:(x2)in a boom boom car!!!
Johnny:TY

the next day at school Little Johnny was talking toanothr student

Teacher:Johnny time to see if u did ur home work, what are the lettes fo the alfabet?
Johnny:Shut the f*** up, Can`t u see im talking?
Teacher:who do u think u r young man?
Johnny:im Super-Man
Teacher:enough ur goingto the prinicpal
Johnny:YAY!!
Teacer:how do u think ur going toget away with this?
Johnny:In a boom boom car