The McLeodGaming forums were permanently closed on April 30th, 2020. You are currently viewing a read-only archive.
View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Thu May 14, 2020 6:28 pm



 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Tiell. 
Author Message
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am
Posts: 606
ANOTHER character, trying to damn get better at RPing. I really need some constructive crit on this.

Name: Tiell. (Pronounced 'Teal')
Age: 15.
Species: Hemorrangel. (Hemokinetic being.)
Gender: Male.
Good, Evil, Neutral?: Neutral.
Appearance:
Image
(Do NOT, I repeat, NOT post any crit whatsoever on the art. It was just to 'visualize' better for those who aren't good at imagining through words)

Tiell has always been tall for his age, standing slightly above the rest of his friends at a near 5'8'' (1m75). His body is muscled and big-boned, making him weigh about 138 lbs (63 kgs). His skin could be almost considered of vampiric paleness, being abnormally in contrast with the rest of skin colors, reflecting a very faint color of dead blood.
Tiell's face is aquiline, which seems to give him (if you'll excuse me for the grisly joke) the looks of a very straightforward person. Two piercing dark purple-blue eyes stand out like small lost islands in the vast white ocean in his eyes. Two lips of a darker hemoglobin color nearly rip past his skin, the upper lip very slightly curled up and barely revealing teeth of dizzying whiteness.
Short-cut curled hair stands up on his cranium, a few fringes consistently falling over his eyes, normally being pulled back behind one of his ears to prevent them from falling once more. The hair shines of a bright orange color, resembling vivace flames on Tiell's form.
On Tiell's shape rests a long sleeved white shirt that sticks to his body but loosens up at the arms, which designs large slackened pointed sleeves. Covering the shirt is a black no-sleeved sweater. The two sides flop around as Tiell moves, for the sole reason that the silver zipper has been unzipped the whole way through it. Two roomy pockets are situated on the stomach area of the sweater, which could be defined as anything but tight. To mask his legs, Tiell wears a large pair of black trousers, having been dirtied permanently over the years of use, no matter how much Tiell washes them. The end of the trouser sleeves bloom at his ankles, falling imperceptibly over Mens Supra shoes of equal black color.
Breaking the almost sinister monotony of monochrome colors, a shining silvery metal chain dangles from Tiell's waistband, measuring about the length of the boy's forearm.

History:
Tiell was before what other kids and adults would call 'a boy like any other one'. He was playful, happy with what he was, slightly timid and sometimes a little bit sly.
What made everyone change their mind was the day it was all found out. When Tiell was ten years old, he fell into a sudden coma for nearly no reason in the middle of gym class. He was immediately sent to the hospital, and even a few weeks later, he still didn't wake up. The doctors didn't know what to do, nor what had happened. This is the diary of Mr. Firn (Stephan Firn) checking over Tiell.

October 16th, year 2004.
10:34 AM. Male child Tiell Sajierr fell into coma in the middle of Gym class.
10:41 AM. Call from Gym teacher Floyd Trenell to the nearest hospital. Ambulance is sent.
11:21 AM. Tiell arrives in hospital, still under coma, heartbeat rate is at 65 and falling slowly.
1:34 PM. Tiell's heartbeat rate stabilizes at 56.
5:00 PM. Tiell left with doctors for regular checkup.

October 17th, year 2004.
6:00 AM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement. Investigations of the cause of coma follow.
10:00 AM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement.
2:00 PM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement. Investigations show no particular reason for the coma.
5:00 PM. Tiell left with doctors for regular checkup.

October 18th, year 2004.
6:00 AM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement. Investigations continue.

October 19 - November 2.

November 2nd, year 2004.
6:00 AM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement. Investigations are let down, and parents are informed (to prevent panic) that the investigations are continuing.
3:21 PM. Tiell's heartbeat rate is at 50, and slowly falling.
7:45 PM. Tiell's heartbeat is now at 20, and begins to fall quickly.
7:48 PM. Tiell's a flatliner. He is now clinically dead.
7:59 PM. Tiell comes out of death state for apparently no reason.
8:05 PM. Tiell's heartbeat is now at 35 and slowly rising.
8:10 PM. After checkup, noticed that Tiell's blood flow has changed directions for no reason, and it acts normally. Injection of chemicals to harden veins to prevent vein pop and to soften arteries. Heartbeat rate is at 50.
8:15 PM. Tiell left with doctors for regular checkup. Heartbeat rate is stabilized at 68.

November 3rd, year 2004.
6:00 AM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement. Blood is still circulating backwards. Regular injections to harden veins and to soften arteries.
1:35 PM. Tiell's veins and arteries seemed to have instinctively changed properties, changing every vein into an artery and vice-versa.
2:00 PM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement.
5:00 PM. Tiell left with doctors for regular checkup.

November 4th, year 2004.
6:00 AM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement. Doctors inform the parents that there is a probability that Tiell wakes up as a vegetable.
5:00 PM. Tiell left with doctors for regular checkup.

November 5 - November 11.

November 12th, year 2004.
6:00 AM. Tiell shows no sign of improvement.
6:34 AM. Tiell indicates excessive brain use.
6:36 AM. Tiell indicates normal brain use. His eyes have opened supposedly by muscle reflex.
2:24 PM. Tiell ears and eyes start to bleed. Bleeding stopped by injection.
5:00 PM. Tiell left with doctors for regular checkup.

November 13th, year 2004.
1:03 AM. Tiell has left. He is not on his bed anymore. At his place, lies an outrageous quantity of blood. Everywhere -on the walls, floor and even windows- the blood stains. Parents are informed of Tiell's runaway. Police are informed and start to search and investigate the area.
NOTES:-
Security cameras were broken by some sort of blade weapon, impossible to clarify which.
A broken window gives to a few the suspicion that Tiell fled by the said window. But there are doubts: a normal child of Tiell's age and body could not survive an 11 meter fall, and even less walk after it. Even then, a big splatter of blood lies right on the ground below the window.
1:15 AM. Investigations clarify that the blood in the room is Tiell's, but there are doubts: A normal human body could not have 43 litres of blood. The splatter of blood on the ground is also Tiell's. Still nothing about the security cameras.
1:20 AM. Further investigations suppose the cause of the broken cameras. A very small portion of Tiell's blood is seen on the rim of the broken cameras.
1:30 AM. Review of the camera video before they broke. The spectacle is horrid; from Tiell's solar plexus erupts an enormous quantity of blood. There are only a 4 seconds of video before the camera breaks.
3:17 AM. Police have found another incredible splatter of blood, at a few kilometers south from the hospital. Investigations indicate that the blood is Tiell's. That justifies that Tiell has fled, but in all the blood, it is impossible to know whether Tiell really escaped from the window or not.
3:20 AM. Investigations continue, without anything. This information is kept away from the parents.

November 14 - February 10 2005.

February 11th, year 2005.
12:00 AM. Investigation has not revealed any other major points. Case closed, and locked up into the unsolved. This investigation shall never follow, nor be taken out again under risk of causing extreme panic among the public. Tiell is still outside, and we do not know anything else from him since that day he fled.
:tiellSAJIERRlog closed:

Powers:
Tiell is a hemorrangel, being able to control blood by desire. He can coagulate, liquefy, and move blood by will. Yet, this power has a few restrictions.
-Tiell is only able to control the blood from his body, when he still has an open and bleeding wound. From that opening, he can take out or take back his own blood, but only his own. If Tiell has no wounds, he cannot use his blood whatsoever outside of his body.
-Tiell cannot control what the blood carries (such as, he cannot make a blade out of the iron of his blood) but when controlled, the blood still carries what they originally had.
-Tiell cannot 'heal' completely. He can only use the blood to 'fill in' wounds.
-If Tiell's blood is not touching him in any way, meaning that it is separated from the line of blood he controls (by any sort of hazard) his control will be lost over the said 'untouched' blood.
(Will put more as I RP with him)

But, even though, it has a few advantages.
-Tiell cannot be infected by a disease that attacks blood, or even uses it.
-Tiell is able to heal his own wounds normally, and heal others wounds by using his own blood on them.
(Will put more as I RP with him)
-Tiell has a very large capacity of blood. He can lose blood for hours, and yet he will not die of blood loss.
(Will put more as I RP with him)

Hobbies: None.
Job: None.
Relations (Family): None.
Relations (Spouses): None.
Best Friends: None.
Pets: None.
Accent: Slight English accent.
Clothes: Described in Physical Appearance.
Distinguishing Features: Purple-blue irises.
Special Abilities: None that differs him from any other hemorrangel (if there are more, that is).
Likes: Intense moments.
Dislikes: Boring moments.
Fears: For no particular reason, Tiell cannot be in a wide-open space (deserts, for example).
Habits: Sometimes is found doing blood-art.
Personal quotes:
"This is no time to be losing."
Personality:
Tiell is childish and nearly always annoying in his own way. He uses sarcasm almost whenever he has the chance, even in serious situations. He's not what one would say optimistic, nor is he overly pessimistic, even though he's found talking about the bad things that would happen instead of the good things. Tiell keeps himself to himself, normally being out alone outside. Only a few times he joined other people, using an excuse that he just had a skin defect which made him look that way.

Sample RP post:
-Will copypasta from RP, or just write one down if I ever get bored-

_________________
ಠ_ಠ ๏_๏ ಥ_ಥ


Last edited by Copy'n'Paste on Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:07 am, edited 2 times in total.



Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:03 pm
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:05 pm
Posts: 1503
Location: in your heart all along
Gender: Female
... I am simply amazed..... But... Could you explain exactly HOW he controls his own blood?

_________________
Image


Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:44 pm
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:03 pm
Posts: 2825
Location: being a genius Gender: little girl
Country: Japan (jp)
Gender: Anime Girl
WarPandaXI wrote:
... I am simply amazed..... But... Could you explain exactly HOW he controls his own blood?

typical person amazed by large quantities of text

read all of it, it's nice, but he's an incredibly boring character outside of his powers


Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:31 pm
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:01 pm
Posts: 271
Location: Partyin ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!
Controlling blood reminds me of Faust from Shaman King. (Why are all guys name Faust so weird?)
Yea. Pretty boring to read imo.

_________________
Image
/_██_/
|ಠ_ృ|ಠ_ಠ
Blue Mage wrote:
Nope, that chick's got tits. Pedobear ain't on that.


Thu Nov 12, 2009 8:49 pm
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am
Posts: 606
:'( wrote:
WarPandaXI wrote:
... I am simply amazed..... But... Could you explain exactly HOW he controls his own blood?

typical person amazed by large quantities of text

read all of it, it's nice, but he's an incredibly boring character outside of his powers

Hm, I get what you mean... How could I... Spice it up?

_________________
ಠ_ಠ ๏_๏ ಥ_ಥ


Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:32 am
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am
Posts: 606
REDONE appearance.
Check appearance. Is this what the reader needs to 'want' to read?

@Panda: I've been working on small images to 'image'-ize the power restrictions and bonuses. Would you like me to put them up?

_________________
ಠ_ಠ ๏_๏ ಥ_ಥ


Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:08 am
BR Member

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:03 pm
Posts: 2284
Gender: N/A
Hemokinetic? Oh my goodness!


Fri Nov 13, 2009 6:54 am
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 4:44 pm
Posts: 675
Location: Canada
Country: Canada (ca)
Gender: N/A
Currently Playing: Dota 2
Didn't read the bio yet but I was wondering if he has ever gone s*** insane and purposely stabbed himself to release blood? If that is answered in the bio, don't mind this then.

_________________
Blue wrote:
Palestine should not be free


Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:11 am
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:05 pm
Posts: 1503
Location: in your heart all along
Gender: Female
Copy'n'Paste wrote:
REDONE appearance.
Check appearance. Is this what the reader needs to 'want' to read?

@Panda: I've been working on small images to 'image'-ize the power restrictions and bonuses. Would you like me to put them up?


Sure, I don't mind. But what I meant was I really liked it...

Edit: I like the new appearance.

_________________
Image


Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:38 am
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am
Posts: 606
@Yoppei: If he ever gone s*** insane, he would've stayed that way, and I would've stated it. So, in other words, nope, he never gone insane that way, knowing that he won't be able to kill himself whatever he did.

@DensetsuNoKaboom: Random useless comment is random and useless.

_________________
ಠ_ಠ ๏_๏ ಥ_ಥ


Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:53 am

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:05 pm
Posts: 1527
Location: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*♥:・゚✧
DensetsuNoKaboom wrote:
Hemokinetic? Oh my goodness!


"Hemo" (which is not even a word) and "Homo" are not the same things.


Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:19 am
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:22 am
Posts: 606
Kyzak wrote:
DensetsuNoKaboom wrote:
Hemokinetic? Oh my goodness!


"Hemo" (which is not even a word) and "Homo" are not the same things.

The root word "-Hemo" is from ancient greek, meaning "blood".
"-Homo" means "same", if I don't miscontrue. So totally not the same.

At least that's what I checked.

I wanted more critique from your part, Kyzak ;_;

_________________
ಠ_ಠ ๏_๏ ಥ_ಥ


Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:34 am
BR Member

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:03 pm
Posts: 2284
Gender: N/A
Kyzak wrote:
DensetsuNoKaboom wrote:
Hemokinetic? Oh my goodness!


"Hemo" (which is not even a word) and "Homo" are not the same things.

I know. it scares me either way. BUT at least it's original.


Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:29 am
User avatar

Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:22 pm
Posts: 1561
Location: <3 Melty Blud
Gender: Female
Kyzak wrote:
DensetsuNoKaboom wrote:
Hemokinetic? Oh my goodness!


"Hemo" (which is not even a word) and "Homo" are not the same things.

I HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL THE GAY COMMUNITY!

MUAHAHHAHAHAH!

_________________
spring break go shove it troll


Sat Nov 14, 2009 6:25 pm
WWW
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:03 pm
Posts: 2825
Location: being a genius Gender: little girl
Country: Japan (jp)
Gender: Anime Girl
Whimskull wrote:
Kyzak wrote:
DensetsuNoKaboom wrote:
Hemokinetic? Oh my goodness!


"Hemo" (which is not even a word) and "Homo" are not the same things.

I HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL THE GAY COMMUNITY!

MUAHAHHAHAHAH!

That wouldn't be such a bad ability against homophobic foes.


Sat Nov 14, 2009 7:07 pm
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
Designed by ST Software for PTF.