Since I finally came back, I decided to register a new character. Zak just didn't work out. Tell me what you think of Arc.

Name: Marcus (Arc) Areyas

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Hometown: He actually lives in New York City for most of his life, but at 16, went his separate ways with his family, to learn new skills. He currently resides in Babylonia.

Weapons: Two curved daggers, measuring at 5 inches wide, 3.2 feet long each. These swords gave him the nickname Arc.

Appearance: He sports light, silver hair, wavily spikes to the left, green-blue eyes, he is sort of pale, has a long scar across his right cheek, usually wears a vest with no shirt or a jean jacket, sweat pants, silver sneakers with yellow highlights, black gloves that expose his fingers, and a locket with a picture of his family/

Personality: c***, yet a softie. He cares for people when they need it, and helps people when he can. In battles, he can get c***, and think of himself as supreme. A random piece of information, he gets sugar rushes easily.

Special Abilities: He has amazing agility, strength, and speed, but not like super strength or anything. Also, when he builds up enough power, he is able to change his swords elementally. So if he has enough power, he can make his swords ice swords, or fire. He is also very intelligent.

Backstory: He was born in New York City on March 17, 1991. He went through many hard times. At 2 years of age, his grandfather died, and a week later, his cousin died from getting high. At the age of 5, his grandmother suffered a heart attack, and died. His worst was when he was 11. His younger brother, at the age of 8, got his by a car, and he died too. Marcus spent the rest of his life as an only child. Every day, he woke up, wishing his brother was there. And every night, he fell asleep missing him. He lived much of his life in misery.

Adding to the misery was the fact that he was an obvious target for bullies. In school, he was constantly teased. The kids called him a freak, and the bullies sadistically hurt him, even if it was serious. They managed to break his arm, and leg. All the detentions and suspensions, and even expulsions could not keep those kids away from him. They stalked him going home, ding-dong ditched his house, and often, came home with brand new cuts and bruises. at 14, he got so fed up, that when he was being assaulted by 2 kids, he broke one kid's neck, and gave the other a serious concussion. He ran away from school. He got suspended for 2 weeks, even if he said it was self defense.

At 16, he just got fed up with New York, and ran away. His family could not afford much of what he needed, and he just decided to leave them. He bought a plane ticket to Babylonia, to escape the many miseries of his life. He left New York on November 11, 2007. Upon arriving in Babylonia, he lived the next 3 years of his life with a Babylonian family. They found him with scratches and bruises, after getting attacked by wolves. They decided to bring him back and nurse him back to health. So he lived with them. Yet when he fell asleep, 8 years later, he still wept at the loss of his younger brother, Thomas. He currently resides 10 miles from the Hanging gardens of Babylon, training to become an amazing swordsman. There, he got the two Arc Blades. They told him they were special, and taught him how to actually control their power. Eventually, he could change the sword's element.

I'm sorry, but before I even dare read the rest of that, he "went his separate ways"... With a city?

What, did she have VD? Was she nagging him? *gasps* Did she not return his calls?

T_T Wow...seriously? I meant went his separate ways with his family, because of family troubles. Which...I forgot to add....crud.

There we go.

Yup this is better than your last one... improvement is so beautiful ;~; Anyways, correct me if I'm wrong but, can you die from a high? Or perhaps you meant overdose? Also typo on his younger brother you wrote "his by a car" instead of "hit by a car"

I'm kinda confused about the whole break a neck and concussion thing, where did he get that strength/courage if he let them break his leg AND arm before...I'd say that's a bit more than an adrenaline rush...2 week suspension for attempted manslaughter/attempted murder? Same with the bullies...if some of them are expelled how are they on school property?

Also confused about his parents...where are they? Who exactly is the Babylonian Family (Is this a "what if" as to what would happen if the Babylonian Empire existed today? [Though I'm not quite sure why they still practice swordsmanship if this is the modern day]) Why is this family so eager to adopt some mangled kid? How'd he get those elemental abilities as well as the superhuman ones?

Quite a few plot holes.

1. He got high. You know, like when you suck in an empty paint can or whipped cream can.

2. Sorry bout that. Just a little spelling mistake.

3. It's a proven fact that sometimes, out of anger, you can do what you never know you could do...well with the one where he broke his arm. He just smashed the other kids head against a wall.

4. He did NOT attempt murder. He wanted to HURT them, but he made sure he didn't come close to KILLING them.

5. Those 2 were not expelled.

6. Parents are still in New York.

7. Babylonian family....never really thought about that.

8. That...I never put.

9. Elemental abilities...I never put.

10. I went over that. I literally TOLD that they weren't superhuman. Speed, he can run faster than most kids. Agility, he was a born gymnast. Strength, he can lift like 300 pounds max.


All mistakes fixed that Kiki pointed out. And thanks, I think I really did improve.

i looked at it for a few seconds and saw new york five times
do not want to read

Who...freaking....cares...You see a word 5 times and you don't bother to read it...that...is the lamest, most pathetic thing I've ever heard.

ok i read it, and nothing stands out
still bad

Actually, I've just realized something. I don't give a s*** of what ANYONE ELSE thinks. I think it's good. I DON'T CARE if you people think it's bad. It's MY opinion, and you cannot change it.

... You know what, just get the f*** out.

Anyone who let you into his/her RP after you call power, agility and speed "small things", deserves to be cast out with the rest of the trash. They're pretty much the entire f*** basis of a roleplaying character's abilities and statistics.

And for gods' sake, how on earth would getting high kill you? Actually, answer me that first, I know Brett will get a kick out of this.

Then why in the f*** did you post this here? This is a section for comments and criticism on the characters that you have written, not for you to get your jollies over a f*** compliment or two. If you have absolutely no intention of improving and if you can't take a mean-spirited comment, go mingle with other twelve year olds at a place filled with s*** romance high-school roleplays and glittering vampires. Example: Gaia Online, which I am sure you attend religiously.

Well, I'm sure that Stephenie Meyer thought that her books weren't bad...and I bet she doesn't give a s***.

I think I overreacted. Look, I've been taking some real s*** this past month, and I get POd easily now. But I say this: I do not apologize to Hakker, because I don't feel like it. Seriously, why don't YOU die in fire, go away forever, and never return? You locked a thread for no good reason. Wait, the reason was because I STARTED IT.

Don't flatter yourself, moron, "3 word story" was made and locked in the past.