Yes, why? Is there something wrong...

Really, it's my first time actually signing up for a RP.

Powers are not "discovered" by one's own development but they are caused by those who undergo the enlightenment caused by Gnosis (excluding the case of my character who was born of two people who were enlightened [aka had their powers unlocked]). You didn't really refer to any of the major events in the premise at all, as to how he got enlightened, why he got enlightened, his relationship with utopia, etc.

Edit: Yeah. What LG posted.

Oh. I guess you can ignore my post, then... :C

No. Don't just give up because you made a mistake. Learn from it and fix it or you won't get any better. When I first started out I learned by watching others, look at the other profiles and see how they were made.

You tell 'im, Keeks.

Wish someone corrected me... Why didn't you guys tell me? Mine was similar towards his detail wise.

Name/Alias: (The) Huntress
Age: 27
Power(s): Upon her enlightenment all of her senses have been heightened, though in a means that does not overwhelm her. She has also been gifted with a slight augmentation of speed, by no means is she super fast, but she is faster than most people without super speed.

Appearance: Standing at 5’9, Huntress is a tall woman. Her physique is at the peak of athletic perfection, honed through her own rigorous exercises and hunting excursions. Her body is shapely and model-like, a fact she takes pride in and uses to her own benefit. Her skin is not pale, though not exactly tanned, nor roughened; she has managed to maintain a spotless complexion. Her hair is long and a very dark brown normally pulled back in a ponytail. Her eyes are an icy blue and seem to pierce directly into the soul of those who stare into them. Her smile is alluring, in a deadly viper sense and her nails have each been sharpened to a fine point, which she meticulously files at all times.

Regularly Huntress will wear a jet black bodysuit with a zipper that can go all the way up to her neck, though she usually leaves it slightly down to have a v-shaped collar and expose her cleavage slightly. On her suit are buckles and belts with various compartments filled with a myriad of things used for hunting as well as items used to give her an edge over her opponents. On her feet she wears matching boots with heels, which she is somehow capable of wearing for extended periods of time.

Personality: The Huntress is a b****. She is loyal to no one but herself; though she will have an ounce of respect for those she believes have power. She is merciless, and often times takes pleasure in causing pain to others. She is heartless and wicked, going out of her way to find trouble or even instigate it. While she does have a fiery temper, she is more often icily cold towards her peers and indifferent to their fates. She’s condescending and manipulative, sometimes choosing to play with her opponents rather than ravishing them at her first chance. However, by no means is she a fool. She is always calculating the various outcomes of her actions, and is a keen observer. She notices everything.

Bio: Huntress is a child of the system. Her mother was a drunken teenager who wouldn’t abort the baby, but as soon as she was born she was put up for foster care. Huntress, whose name was <name removed>, bounced from foster family to foster family. She was unloved and unwanted, but as she grew older she began to care less and less, and became a spiteful little girl.

At the age of 14 she was a part of a violent crime, however there was no evidence to prove that she was guilty and she got off with therapy. The session was administered at a group home in the forest, whose motto was that the nature would heal the troubled souls of the youths. They had various exercises as a means to vent their frustration. Huntress took up hunting and had a knack for tracking. At the age of 15 she was out of the group home but she didn’t report to the foster home she had been assigned, and she fled. The rest of her teenage years were wrought with robbery, assaults, and murder. She was numb to everything she was doing and it didn’t faze her. In fact, she was having fun.

At the age of 21 she heard about the enlightenment. She could care less about the ideals, but the awakening of one’s power seemed profitable to her. She entered utopia along with many others who had walked on the wrong side of the law, and like them she acted remorseful and open to a new way of life. Upon her enlightenment however she smiled wickedly and immediately walked out of the room. She had long heard the call of Tuphlos, and deeming him the closest thing she could call to powerful, she sought him out to serve or at least amuse herself with whatever treachery he was up to.

Extra: Huntress is competent in various forms of unarmed combat as well as an excellent marksman. She is wanted in various states for armed robbery, assault, breaking and entering and a few other lesser crimes.

I needed to bring her back for this.

lol super seed.

the super ability to impregnate is quite valuable!

D'ooooooooh, you changed it.

Hope I don't mess up like the last one....

Name: Josh McDecklend/Aeroluos

Age:18

Power(s): Controls Darkness/Light. He can make various things with both. However he can only use one at a time, not both. Darkness is more powerful than light in this case. He can only use darkness/light if it is present.

Appearance: A bit taller than Derek, standing at 5'10". He has the same black hair, although it is thinner. Wears dark rimmed glasses. He's also more muscular than Derek.

Personality: The exact opposite of Derek. He's friendly and open in a small group, however, if he's in a crowd he tends to be somewhat quiet. He's willing to help anybody if he can.

Bio: Josh's family was unbelievably poor. They had a rundown house, with little to no food. Sometimes they had to live off the rats and other things living in the house. However, they scraped up enough money to give birth to Josh. After, they had a tremendous amount of problems, with the extra mouth to feed. They lost their house, and was forced to live on the street. After a couple months, with living with absolutely nothing, Josh's parent's died from an unknown virus. Josh was forced to live alone, on the streets, eating the scraps of unwanted food for years. Because he didn't have a address/home, he wasn't educated. Living miserably poor had an obvious effect on him physically, so whenever he asked for help people would always turn him down. Just when things seemed like they couldn't get better for him, Derek came.

When he was about 10, a pair appeared in front of him, it was non other than Derek and his mother. When Derek saw Josh, He immediately asked his mom if he could go with him to be enlightened. His mother was hesitant, mostly because she thought he was a neanderthal. However, when she read his mind, she agreed. After the trio returned home, and Derek and Josh began using the new found powers. Derek demanded that Josh stay with them, and His parents immediately agreed (Only because Josh had no other friends). Derek asked if Josh if he wanted to take martial arts with him. Josh agreed, later he attended more classes than Derek, and started to get more stronger than him.

After the incident, (if you read Derek's you should know) Derek became heartbroken. Josh saw that, and tried to cheer him up, and it worked. To an extent. Derek's parents left him when he was about 16ish. After that, Josh and Derek became more closer than ever before.

*sob*
This has got to be the oldest cliche in the book, or at least one of the most irritating.
Correct me if I'm mistaken, but trying to create suspense with three word phrases beginning with "or" is a huge no-no.

"when he was born his parents abandoned him because they thought he was useless"
...
i guess their expectations for a newborn baby were a tad bit high

Ok maybe I need help... a lot of it.