And give useful advice that is actually relevant to the topic!

I already did, sorry for going off-topic.
BTW Is Geno going to reply at all? Or is he just reading our suggestions and trying them out?

I'd give advice, but the Iftar is today and the guests are coming any minute now.

I was referring to the top of our quote pyramid

I'm not sure if you're saying that your mother's boyfriend is abusive or not. If he is abusing you in any way, you should get out or get your mother to get rid of him.

In regards to the smoking/pork/alcohol, living around constant temptation is never healthy. Most people who end up smoking start at your age because they're surrounded by it.

Based on your age, I'm assuming you are at least in year 11 and your end of High School exams are on the horizon (this year or even next year). Something that seems to be a recurring theme in my experience of life is cousins being similar ages. If one of your cousins is in your grade, it would be a valid request to move in with your aunt and her family on the grounds of easier and more effective study. If they're not, ignore this suggestion.

I think that you should also remember that moving in with your aunt is not the same as severing all ties with your mother. Regardless of where you live (alone, with your aunt or with your mother), you have the same mother and she can be treated as such wherever you are.

Hmm, this is great food for thought. Thank you very much. A lot of what you have said is very true, and I'm glad you're giving me advice.


Thank you very much.


Mhm. I didn't want to bring this kind of issue onto a public forum, but seeing as though I won't see my friends directly for about a week, I figured this would be the best thing to do for now.



Half Muslim...? How can you be half of a religion? You mean half Arab? ...Not too crazy with how you started the conversation. Quite frankly, you do not know anything about me or my personal experiences, so don't assume anyone 'has it better' than anybody.

The thing about that is though, that it's a fear of my mom's that I would want to live with my aunt. She envy's her for being in a 'better' situation, financially. When I went to go spend the summer, before I left we got into an argument, which resulted in a lot of released emotion. She told me the biggest reason she didn't want me to go, was because i would want to say. I told her that wasn't the truth. Now, being in this situation, everything is much harder. Saying 'go stay with your aunt' is MUCH easier said than done. But thanks for the advice.


She's explained to me the reasoning behind all of that. She said the religion puts down women. I try to let her know that that kind of treatment toward women isn't a part of the religion, but apart of the culture. You can have one, without the other. She doesn't know the difference, and refuses to acknowledge it, though.

Yes, she it. And they've talked plenty. But I suppose that's always an option.

Hm, that's very true. It's just... my mother has been through so much. She's been through so much pain, and trauma. I just feel selfish for adding to that...



You're Muslim? It's nice to see another Muslim on the forums, beside myself.

Yeah, I speak Arabic, very lightly though. Which dialect are you familiar with? I only speak the one that deviates from Yemen, and from what I understand it's sort of the 'ghetto' version of the language.

That's just it, though. I was never taught the prayer. My mom kept me from everything. My aunt's family is helping me ease back into it, though.

Happy Ramadan to you as well. Are you holdin' up? Haha. Getting sort of tough.


I could try that. Though, the last time I tried it ended with bitter arguments.


I can try. It's much easier said than done.


Hm, true. It's true that there are lots of people who have problems, easier, equal or harder than mine. But some people can't do anything about it. I finally have a golden opportunity to grip what I've needed for years, and the chance might slip by me because I'm too afraid to take action.


Alright then!


No, he's not abusive. If he laid a finger on me I'd break his nose.

That's very true.

Yeah, close enough. I'm starting Year 12 in just a few days. I have a cousin just a few months younger than me, so I guess I could always add that onto the list.

I suppose that's true, but to my mother it's just about the same. I don't want to hurt her any more than she already has. I want to do everything in my power to make my mom have a good day, or to put a smile on her face. But it seems like the more days that pass, and the more strongly Muslim I become, the more disconnected I feel. I just don't want to hurt her. Maybe the only way to figure out what to do is to speak with her, after all.



Whew... lengthy. I really appreciate all of your comments, so thank you very much. Well, except Nicko's extra comments past the first one. You all are really all I have, until I get back to school. I really appreciate you taking time out of your days to think of a genuine response.

It seems like you failed to mention this in the first post. That really does change the nature of the advice we should be giving you. You've boxed yourself in to a corner by doing the above in bold. The question is, are you a man of your word or is your well being more important?

Forgive me for forgetting that information. When she said she was scared of me wanting to stay, I stated that I would be coming back home for sure. Don't know if that changes anything, though.

Yeah, that's sadly what it comes down to. I just have to figure it out, I suppose.

Sorry for the top part, I meant half Arabic, my bad.
Also, I'm sorry for assuming that you had it better then me.

Anyways, I'm sorry for what's happening to you right now,
I hope you end up solving your problem, it's times like these were you'd need to talk to some one, and you did, us! The others and I were glad that we could help Geno.
Hope this has a happy ending soon.

That's pretty much as good as a promise in my eyes. Of course, if you wanted to be an outright bastard, you can use that reassurances as a tool in negotiation. Depending on how insecure your mother is, you may be able to leverage a better quality of life out of her. Just a thought.

I'm not very learned in the Muslim culture and religion, but isn't the scarf that is worn around the head a sign of inferiority toward females? I can also see where she's coming from by saying that the religion "puts women down" but one can also argue that other religions place females in the minority as well as general societal norms (women today still earn 80c for a man's $1).

So if you're mother and her sister have talked, do you know of what has come of it? Is your mother supportive of your options because that if she is, that is what you are going to fall back on if things get rough.

I think though, that even if your mother is going through a tough time she may just need a bit of space to tackle it. I know that sometimes smothering people with countless variations of "are you ok" can do more harm than good and so it might help if you draw up a table and list the positives and negatives of both your options (staying with mum/staying with aunt). This should give you a clear indication of what is best at the time and will help you make your decision.

And why is it?
Its there for the sole purpose of covering the female's hair,and some female Muslims(where I live at least)don't wear it.you see it has nothing to do with inferiority,it's just that muslim men and women have limits to what parts of the body they can show.Men cannot Pray while their knees are shown since the area between the groin and knees is wrong and your prayer won't be accepted.As for women only relatives can see there hair(ie:husband,children,her brothers and sisters children)at home she can wear what ever she wants put when it comes the time to pray the only parts of the body that can be shown are the face and hands,the same if she decides to leave the house as she cannot allow other people(men only)see any other part of the body.and I don't see any inferiority in that as the woman won't have other dudes staring at her while she is out.in another note only women are allowed to wear silk and gold,men are left with precious stones and silver(the silver has to be limited btw).there fore there is no inferiority to women in Islam,I could tell you the name one woman in history that is more great than any of the men today.

I would've assumed it shows inferiority as only the women wear it and I have some friends who say it feels degrading. I'm confused as well when some say that it's a choice while others say that they have been forced to wear it

Ccs the girls who say its "degrading" are missing the point
They are like the muslim version of the slutty mormon girls who suck dick behind the bleachers

Or some of them are just too "Westernized".

When someone not of an American culture sees us wearing jeans, or listening to pop music if they are of an older generation, they see it as "different". The newer generation sees it as "fun", "interesting". In America, UK, Australia, and other Western European countries, women are free to do whatever they want without hindrance. To newer generation Muslims (a lot of them, more than you think actually) this ideal is beyond their wildest dreams.