ok.

He has too many powers, no weaknesses, has too many "cool" traits, TRAGIC PAST, too many things with the word "death" in them, and no personality.

A Deathwolf is something I came up with ON MY OWN
Why does a god do anything? The god of death was becoming swamped with work, so he created the wolves to take his place leaving him with little to do. and what the hell do you mean by mary sue?



Perfect! Exactly what I was hopeing to do.

a death wolf is a human who has been chosen to become a demi-god. However, the fact they are immortal does not mean they can't be slain. I chose to be a wolf because of the night warriors known as Were-wolves, a being capable of transforming between human and wolf state, just as their cousins Deathwolves are also able to transform. However, they have full control of all their actions, in all three states. Human, demi-human, werewolf.

Humans can choose to be Demi-Gods?
Count me in!

(BTW... you're just making this up as you go along, and its making the bio even worse)

Before any more poo is flung around. Ishtom, you can have your Marty Stu, but I don't think people hosting RPs want one.

Mary Stu or Sue?
Anyways, I probably would knock off some of the good characteristics. Why would you need a character like this if you would be shunned from general RPs? So people can have something to criticize? (Constructively)

Guys, I'm still knocking out the kinks, and I'm not making it up as I go. I though out every characteristic for my stories, Unfortunatly I do agree with you that he is too strong, but............ I really don't know what to say...
I am trying to correct him, and your critisizm is helpful. Just, I'd like it to be a little more constructive, rather than negative. If any of you could help by coming up with any ideas, that would be great.

Constructive Criticism? You got it.
I'm not exactly the best RPGer, but I guess I can help you some. So what I've done here, is I've organized it a bit (and added a few words) so that you can re-write some parts of it. I've also added a few comments... (in the "Spoiler" format)
======================================================================
Name: WolvenXII (World Of Warcraft-ish name? Why is this his name?)

Real Name: Kayle York

Apperance:
-Dark, worn out pants and hooded shirt, old black trainers. (You could go in depth a bit more..)
-Kayle's hair style changes as the hours pass by. At at night it is limp and covers most of the features on his face, and, contradictory to this, during the day it stands straight up.
-His eyes change colour reflecting his mood,( although they are generally a light blue,)
-As an example, they are blood red when he's is threatened or angered.

Attitude:
-His attitude changes through the hours, like his hair style. During the day he is very light, a happy person, if not annoying. During the night, a solemn and dark loner, if not still annoying. No one is truely sure why, perhaps it just occurs.

Weapons:
-Kayle carries a black broadsword with a diamond shape cut out the middle.

Item(s???):
-Water of Life: A rare item found in only one place in the world, healling injuries and reversing the ireversable death. His use of the item is limited allowing himself to decay rather than renewing himself every morning. (The first sentence was okay, but you have to be a bit more indepth. The second sentence is a bit mixed around, please revise it)

Abilities:
His abilites include the few he has 'swallowed' from enemies, and the two he claims as his own. (OMFG! Kirby powers! On a more serious note, how has he "swallowed" abilities?)

-Shadowmelt: He can become a shadow at will, even encasing opponents in it if he feels the need. (Sort of like a Narutoish thing, but okay...)

-Magic: In his former life, he had mastered all forms of magic (Of my world) and can still use them to this day. (Former life? Mastered all forms of magic? His own world? And if he died, why does he still retain his knowledge and application of Magic? Moreover, why is he REBORN?)

Bio:
-His former life (AGAIN, Former life???) has been very harsh. Unfortunate events had piled up against him: Losing his family in a fire, losing his best friend, living in loneliness for two-hundred years (Usually a Death-Wolf is destroyed before 100 years, how has he lived so long?). His only saviour now is a young girl who is incapable of even protecting herself, will she save him from himself, or is it too late for this 'immortal' child. He has also trained himself to be a speedy critter.

(Bio Notes/ Summary: Okay, here is the weakness. Former life? What's this about a former life? And a Death-Wolf? What's that? And why is he the exception of the "100 Years Lifespan" rule? Who is this "young girl", and why is she helping him? And why'd you throw in that "He has also trained himself to be a speedy critter" part? That has absolutely NOTHING to do with your biography. All in all, you don't have that much work to do... just a LOT of explaining...)

Because any name with roman numerals in it is world of warcraft-ish, right?

I bet I could come up with a decent character if I used the same basic concept.

Doo eet, doo eet now.

I suppose I should.

In fact, I will.

Wait a minute, I'm a Warcraft-fag and I can tell you that no important characters have Roman numerals in their names. They have apostrophes and hyphens, so says Arak'Bandul Skeer-Nav.

Blood for the Blood God.



Warcraft-fag.

<3