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The Legend of Korah *CH4 RELEASE* 
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Snow Taradien
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:17 am
Posts: 527
Location: Under your bed, and in your Closet
Country: Canada (ca)
Gender: Anime Girl
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Want the truth or the raging fanboy Post:


Truth:
Snow Taradien wrote:
The constant Repeat loop at the scene directly after the beam, when Snow gets hit from below... Get's really annoying. As for the sword beam, although cool and all, am I the only one who found it somewhat out of place?



Also...

What Ichigo said only in my point of view.

Dialogue- NEEDS MORE CHEEZ
Fighting- SWORD BEAM = OUT OF PLACE also, It should have more focus on sword fighting than teleportation. That is at least what my point of view is.
Plot line- the plot is very very condensed because of a lot of skippage I guess.
And it's kinda short seemingly because of the jump from text to video which can really carve off time.
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.

Quite frankly, you don't have to listen to a word I said... but Korah needs more than two slashes on the ground. One is actually a thrust.

Fanboy:
I loved it.

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I hunt you down...
Say no more...
And silently you die...
Tue Aug 12, 2008 6:16 pm
Ichigo
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:37 am
Posts: 1433
Location: .j
Country: Germany (de)
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Problems that need to be fixed.


Dialogue- The dialouge was bland and was so uninteresting I just felt bored reading it.
Fighting- Sword beam? DBZ teleportation? It just doesn't fit.
Plot line- Nothing happens, at all that keeps my attention aside from a part of the fight scene.There's no build to the action. How did he get in the town? What town is he in? Why does he think the sword is there?
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.


Seriously though among all these things, you need to work on your writing and plot creation.
Dailogue-How can I fix it?
Fighting-It's supposed to be DBZ styled
Plot line- He finally found the other half of his sword, now he can out and fine the other swords and kill his king. It doesn't matter what town he's in, because its not an important town. He doesn't think the sword is there. He just went there for a pit-stop (Obviously stated).
Sprite-Eh, I guess.


If you want, Before you release another episode give me a script, I can probably help you with revisions and writing, The plot line needs more Emphasis on what's going on around the main character, instead of Korah just coming across this bar why not add in something in the beginning like.


*Flash back to masters death, Korah is given a piece of paper hinting him to the whereabouts of the sword by his master on his deathbed, or he finds the paper searching through his masters materials for clues*

Something that builds up to him and the town.

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Tue Aug 12, 2008 7:29 pm
Snow Taradien
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:17 am
Posts: 527
Location: Under your bed, and in your Closet
Country: Canada (ca)
Gender: Anime Girl
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Problems that need to be fixed.


Dialogue- The dialouge was bland and was so uninteresting I just felt bored reading it.
Fighting- Sword beam? DBZ teleportation? It just doesn't fit.
Plot line- Nothing happens, at all that keeps my attention aside from a part of the fight scene.There's no build to the action. How did he get in the town? What town is he in? Why does he think the sword is there?
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.


Seriously though among all these things, you need to work on your writing and plot creation.
Dailogue-How can I fix it?
Fighting-It's supposed to be DBZ styled
Plot line- He finally found the other half of his sword, now he can out and fine the other swords and kill his king. It doesn't matter what town he's in, because its not an important town. He doesn't think the sword is there. He just went there for a pit-stop (Obviously stated).
Sprite-Eh, I guess.


If you want, Before you release another episode give me a script, I can probably help you with revisions and writing, The plot line needs more Emphasis on what's going on around the main character, instead of Korah just coming across this bar why not add in something in the beginning like.


*Flash back to masters death, Korah is given a piece of paper hinting him to the whereabouts of the sword by his master on his deathbed, or he finds the paper searching through his masters materials for clues*

Something that builds up to him and the town.

I should have thought of that when writing the chapter... Thanks Ichigo.
I'll remember that.

If you want a script, it's based off Scars, which is in the literature section.

_________________
Image
I hunt you down...
Say no more...
And silently you die...
Tue Aug 12, 2008 7:40 pm
Ichigo
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:37 am
Posts: 1433
Location: .j
Country: Germany (de)
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Snow Taradien wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Problems that need to be fixed.


Dialogue- The dialouge was bland and was so uninteresting I just felt bored reading it.
Fighting- Sword beam? DBZ teleportation? It just doesn't fit.
Plot line- Nothing happens, at all that keeps my attention aside from a part of the fight scene.There's no build to the action. How did he get in the town? What town is he in? Why does he think the sword is there?
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.


Seriously though among all these things, you need to work on your writing and plot creation.
Dailogue-How can I fix it?
Fighting-It's supposed to be DBZ styled
Plot line- He finally found the other half of his sword, now he can out and fine the other swords and kill his king. It doesn't matter what town he's in, because its not an important town. He doesn't think the sword is there. He just went there for a pit-stop (Obviously stated).
Sprite-Eh, I guess.


If you want, Before you release another episode give me a script, I can probably help you with revisions and writing, The plot line needs more Emphasis on what's going on around the main character, instead of Korah just coming across this bar why not add in something in the beginning like.


*Flash back to masters death, Korah is given a piece of paper hinting him to the whereabouts of the sword by his master on his deathbed, or he finds the paper searching through his masters materials for clues*

Something that builds up to him and the town.

I should have thought of that when writing the chapter... Thanks Ichigo.
I'll remember that.

If you want a script, it's based off Scars, which is in the literature section.



Forward motion in a story that creates a clear link to each event is always a good thing to have.

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Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:57 pm
Chozo
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:19 am
Posts: 3590
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Gender: Male
Skype: Chozo
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
IF you ever get the chance NF you should make a tutorial on how to make movies/videos/cutscenes in flash. I lol'd at the resengan effects. I wish we had some kind of information as to where korah got his sword skills I don't belive that was in the prolgue.
Tue Aug 12, 2008 10:10 pm
Korah Hyoutetsu [NF]
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Posts: 2249
Location: Orlando, FL
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Problems that need to be fixed.


Dialogue- The dialouge was bland and was so uninteresting I just felt bored reading it.
Fighting- Sword beam? DBZ teleportation? It just doesn't fit.
Plot line- Nothing happens, at all that keeps my attention aside from a part of the fight scene.There's no build to the action. How did he get in the town? What town is he in? Why does he think the sword is there?
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.


Seriously though among all these things, you need to work on your writing and plot creation.
Dailogue-How can I fix it?
Fighting-It's supposed to be DBZ styled
Plot line- He finally found the other half of his sword, now he can out and fine the other swords and kill his king. It doesn't matter what town he's in, because its not an important town. He doesn't think the sword is there. He just went there for a pit-stop (Obviously stated).
Sprite-Eh, I guess.


If you want, Before you release another episode give me a script, I can probably help you with revisions and writing, The plot line needs more Emphasis on what's going on around the main character, instead of Korah just coming across this bar why not add in something in the beginning like.


*Flash back to masters death, Korah is given a piece of paper hinting him to the whereabouts of the sword by his master on his deathbed, or he finds the paper searching through his masters materials for clues*

Something that builds up to him and the town.
That's no so easy to do, since that also requires sprites :doh:

Next episode, I'll probably need more help again.
RK9 wrote:
IF you ever get the chance NF you should make a tutorial on how to make movies/videos/cutscenes in flash. I lol'd at the resengan effects. I wish we had some kind of information as to where korah got his sword skills I don't belive that was in the prolgue.
That's kinda true....

But at the same time. He said he was traveling a long time. A long time could mean lots of time to practice.

To be honest, I want to release it on Newgrounds tomorrow. But, should I really wait and add more?

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Tue Aug 12, 2008 10:54 pm
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Yoyojkt
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Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
omg im not kidding this is great... this would be a great game series

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Hakker wrote:
arel wrote:
oh no my dad just fell down the stairs and broke his leg wut should i do!
911
Patrick wrote:
SUPAH MECHA SONIC FOR SSF2!!! :headbang: :headbang:

If tson needs to stfu, put this in your sig.
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Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:00 pm
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Ichigo
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:37 am
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Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Problems that need to be fixed.


Dialogue- The dialouge was bland and was so uninteresting I just felt bored reading it.
Fighting- Sword beam? DBZ teleportation? It just doesn't fit.
Plot line- Nothing happens, at all that keeps my attention aside from a part of the fight scene.There's no build to the action. How did he get in the town? What town is he in? Why does he think the sword is there?
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.


Seriously though among all these things, you need to work on your writing and plot creation.
Dailogue-How can I fix it?
Fighting-It's supposed to be DBZ styled
Plot line- He finally found the other half of his sword, now he can out and fine the other swords and kill his king. It doesn't matter what town he's in, because its not an important town. He doesn't think the sword is there. He just went there for a pit-stop (Obviously stated).
Sprite-Eh, I guess.


If you want, Before you release another episode give me a script, I can probably help you with revisions and writing, The plot line needs more Emphasis on what's going on around the main character, instead of Korah just coming across this bar why not add in something in the beginning like.


*Flash back to masters death, Korah is given a piece of paper hinting him to the whereabouts of the sword by his master on his deathbed, or he finds the paper searching through his masters materials for clues*

Something that builds up to him and the town.
That's no so easy to do, since that also requires sprites :doh:

Next episode, I'll probably need more help again.
RK9 wrote:
IF you ever get the chance NF you should make a tutorial on how to make movies/videos/cutscenes in flash. I lol'd at the resengan effects. I wish we had some kind of information as to where korah got his sword skills I don't belive that was in the prolgue.
That's kinda true....

But at the same time. He said he was traveling a long time. A long time could mean lots of time to practice.

To be honest, I want to release it on Newgrounds tomorrow. But, should I really wait and add more?


Wait, In my personal opinion, it's going to get murdered.

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Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:57 pm
Korah Hyoutetsu [NF]
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 11:55 am
Posts: 2249
Location: Orlando, FL
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Problems that need to be fixed.


Dialogue- The dialouge was bland and was so uninteresting I just felt bored reading it.
Fighting- Sword beam? DBZ teleportation? It just doesn't fit.
Plot line- Nothing happens, at all that keeps my attention aside from a part of the fight scene.There's no build to the action. How did he get in the town? What town is he in? Why does he think the sword is there?
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.


Seriously though among all these things, you need to work on your writing and plot creation.
Dailogue-How can I fix it?
Fighting-It's supposed to be DBZ styled
Plot line- He finally found the other half of his sword, now he can out and fine the other swords and kill his king. It doesn't matter what town he's in, because its not an important town. He doesn't think the sword is there. He just went there for a pit-stop (Obviously stated).
Sprite-Eh, I guess.


If you want, Before you release another episode give me a script, I can probably help you with revisions and writing, The plot line needs more Emphasis on what's going on around the main character, instead of Korah just coming across this bar why not add in something in the beginning like.


*Flash back to masters death, Korah is given a piece of paper hinting him to the whereabouts of the sword by his master on his deathbed, or he finds the paper searching through his masters materials for clues*

Something that builds up to him and the town.
That's no so easy to do, since that also requires sprites :doh:

Next episode, I'll probably need more help again.
RK9 wrote:
IF you ever get the chance NF you should make a tutorial on how to make movies/videos/cutscenes in flash. I lol'd at the resengan effects. I wish we had some kind of information as to where korah got his sword skills I don't belive that was in the prolgue.
That's kinda true....

But at the same time. He said he was traveling a long time. A long time could mean lots of time to practice.

To be honest, I want to release it on Newgrounds tomorrow. But, should I really wait and add more?


Wait, In my personal opinion, it's going to get murdered.

Why do you say that?

_________________
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Wed Aug 13, 2008 12:02 am
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Ichigo
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:37 am
Posts: 1433
Location: .j
Country: Germany (de)
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Korah [NF] wrote:
Ichigo wrote:
Problems that need to be fixed.


Dialogue- The dialouge was bland and was so uninteresting I just felt bored reading it.
Fighting- Sword beam? DBZ teleportation? It just doesn't fit.
Plot line- Nothing happens, at all that keeps my attention aside from a part of the fight scene.There's no build to the action. How did he get in the town? What town is he in? Why does he think the sword is there?
Sprite- You need to give Korah a sheathed sword walk, and you need to make your own beam attacks.


Seriously though among all these things, you need to work on your writing and plot creation.
Dailogue-How can I fix it?
Fighting-It's supposed to be DBZ styled
Plot line- He finally found the other half of his sword, now he can out and fine the other swords and kill his king. It doesn't matter what town he's in, because its not an important town. He doesn't think the sword is there. He just went there for a pit-stop (Obviously stated).
Sprite-Eh, I guess.


If you want, Before you release another episode give me a script, I can probably help you with revisions and writing, The plot line needs more Emphasis on what's going on around the main character, instead of Korah just coming across this bar why not add in something in the beginning like.


*Flash back to masters death, Korah is given a piece of paper hinting him to the whereabouts of the sword by his master on his deathbed, or he finds the paper searching through his masters materials for clues*

Something that builds up to him and the town.
That's no so easy to do, since that also requires sprites :doh:

Next episode, I'll probably need more help again.
RK9 wrote:
IF you ever get the chance NF you should make a tutorial on how to make movies/videos/cutscenes in flash. I lol'd at the resengan effects. I wish we had some kind of information as to where korah got his sword skills I don't belive that was in the prolgue.
That's kinda true....

But at the same time. He said he was traveling a long time. A long time could mean lots of time to practice.

To be honest, I want to release it on Newgrounds tomorrow. But, should I really wait and add more?


Wait, In my personal opinion, it's going to get murdered.

Why do you say that?

I've already listed my reasons above.

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Wed Aug 13, 2008 12:31 am
Straitjacket[Luna]
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:47 pm
Posts: 328
Location: In the beginning and in the end...
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
yoyojkt wrote:
omg im not kidding this is great... this would be a great game series

:shifty: yeah...

_________________
That's right b****, Luna's adopted by Belth.
That's right b****, Luna's married to Bomber.
--------------------------------------------
Hakker wrote:
Straitjacket wrote:
Hakker wrote:
*highfives Luna*

IT WAS JUST A HUG...<.<
Oh man up and admit it.

It's not a sin.

She tripped!

That's like, offering!
Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:45 am
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Korah Hyoutetsu [NF]
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Posts: 2249
Location: Orlando, FL
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Well, I'm going to release it today on Newgrounds around 4-5. Be prepared to rate.

_________________
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Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:52 am
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Straitjacket[Luna]
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:47 pm
Posts: 328
Location: In the beginning and in the end...
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (FINAL UPDATE)*
Korah [NF] wrote:
Well, I'm going to release it today on Newgrounds around 4-5. Be prepared to rate.

*Prepares to rate*

_________________
That's right b****, Luna's adopted by Belth.
That's right b****, Luna's married to Bomber.
--------------------------------------------
Hakker wrote:
Straitjacket wrote:
Hakker wrote:
*highfives Luna*

IT WAS JUST A HUG...<.<
Oh man up and admit it.

It's not a sin.

She tripped!

That's like, offering!
Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:52 am
YIM WWW
Korah Hyoutetsu [NF]
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 11:55 am
Posts: 2249
Location: Orlando, FL
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (RELEASED ON NEWGROUDNS)*
Finally! I released it on Newgrounds!

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/453564

Give me some good comments and rate it!

_________________
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ImageImage
Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:40 pm
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Straitjacket[Luna]
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:47 pm
Posts: 328
Location: In the beginning and in the end...
Post Re: The Legend of Korah *Ep1 (RELEASED ON NEWGROUDNS)*
*gives good comments and rates it*

_________________
That's right b****, Luna's adopted by Belth.
That's right b****, Luna's married to Bomber.
--------------------------------------------
Hakker wrote:
Straitjacket wrote:
Hakker wrote:
*highfives Luna*

IT WAS JUST A HUG...<.<
Oh man up and admit it.

It's not a sin.

She tripped!

That's like, offering!
Wed Aug 13, 2008 3:09 pm
YIM WWW
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