Ok this is my second and my well thought out bio for a new charater
so yea your the judges

Name:Xander Silverthorns

Gender:Male

Age:24

Race:Human

Personality:Hes brave,nice,funny,caring,mean if threatened (eh idk what to put)

Appearance:He has blue messy hair,black,and red armor (which looks like spiked shoulderpads,metal kneepads with a katana on his back and metal chestplate,legplates). But when not in armor he wears black shirt,and silk pants. He is about 6.2 in height

Abilities:Natural Swordsmen,smooth talker,a good battle planner (dont know other word for it),good with tools (same as personality idk what to put)

Background/Biography:He been training with swords since 10 before that it was sticks. He praticed with his father a lot. His dad was a swordsmen and died in battle of humans and demons that the person who controled the demons planned for years,Xander was only 12 when it happened. After that he trained with wooden dummys. There is his older brother whose a blacksmith and who helps around the house. His Mom works day and night for a living to pay for the house. His baby sister whose only 3. Soon after he turned 18 he left to clean up towns and that was ruined by demons and help with towns that are terrorized by demons.

Comments in bold. I tried to go easy on you.


Goodbye now, I have two black holes to stop...

ok ill fix it or try to Wait Im Bad With names

Just make up something random that rolls of the tongue. Like..."Keith Arahan". (No using that either...)

And remember, if Kyzak comes along, listen to him. He can be harsh, but he's usually right.

ok

Ok name changed and grammer fixed anything else oh and appearence fixed too.

There's still a bit of grammar to fix (put 1 space between a period and the next sentence, for example), and don't double post.

k..wait you like the new name

Yeah, it's pretty good Sounds strangely familiar though...

really i just made it up though weird uh

I'm much too lazy to question anything else, but...

You give us no information about why the heck there was a war between humans and demons, and that is a bad thing. You need to flesh things out more, 'kay?

shut up you have no idea what you're talking about


It would be best for you to keep one thing in mind if you intend to make another character, or even rewrite this one: Use effort. You're not going to write a masterpiece under a time limit. I spend the majority of my time during during writing fidgeting with what I've already written until the next sentence can come with fluidity; even this counts. The only other thing I can think of in a heartbeat is your grammar. I've already outlined what you need to work on in that area; it's up to you to build off of it.

Ok updated bio got rid on demons killing his family and stuff and put some other stuff in.

I told you commas could be used as a stand-in for "and". I did not tell you to use them every f*** word. You're still failing to put space between punctuation and the following sentence. I have no idea why I'm bothering since all you're going to do is what I tell you to do. If you need a hint, that's bad.

that's the problem with fags, they'll follow your instructions down to every word but are completely unable to do anything on their own