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When you get cable, you save money.
When you save money, you buy candy.
When you buy candy, you get a golden ticket.
When you get a golden ticket, you meet Willy Wonka.
When you meet Willy Wonka, you find out he's condescending.
When you find out he's condescending, he makes you angry.
When he makes you angry, you drink his soda.
When you drink his soda, he yells at you.
When he yells at you, you lose.
Don't lose, instead, switch to DirecTV.