"Ugh... my head... "



You awake on a HARD OBJECT in a ROOM with BLUE WALLS.



You scour your memory, but the only thing that comes up is a vague notion that you're HUNGRY.

A quick look at your sourrounding reveals that there are other occupants in the ROOM:



A CRATE,



Something resembling a COAT RACK, what appears to be a GLADIATOR'S HELMET...



A RED PILLAR and a DOOR at the other end of the ROOM.

What will you do?

You decide that the most pressing issue to resolve is upgrading your STYLE stat. You grab the AWESOME SUIT JACKET from the COAT RACK.



The SUIT JACKET is not meant to equipped to the CAPE item slot, so you use SHUFFLE AROUND AND TUG AT THE SLEEVES A LOT to cope.



After managing to attach the SUIT JACKET to your BACK in an ONLY SEMI-RIDICULOUS MANNER, you immediately climb on PEDESTAL to shine your AURA OF CLASSINESS on the world.



The view from the PEDESTAL draws your attention to the BEAUTIFUL BUTTER-COLOURED GLADIATOR'S HELMET.
There is no doubt in your mind that it will complete your STYLISH ENSEMBLE.



Unfortunately the GLADIATOR'S HELMET appears to disagree. It stubbornly refuses to fit on your HEAD unless you take your beloved CAPE off.



Fortunately your INGENUITY stat is currently above zero, and you devise a CUNNING PLAN.



Brilliant.



Obviously the best thing to do to with any NEW ENSEMBLE is to test it's capabilities as a BATTERING RAM.



It performs disappointingly.



If at first you don't succeed, the best course of actions is probably repeatedly BASHING your HELMET against anything that opposes you.



You assess the DAMAGE. It appears you've made a CONSIDERABLE DENT. One more GOOD SMACK ought to do it.



Grabbing your CAPE, you get ready to turn the DOOR into a pile of BLOCKY SPLINTERS.



Success! You have broken through the DOOR. Unfortunately you are still moving BREAK-DOOR speed, and the WALL in front of you does not appear to be receding.

This is most saddening, as it will probably hurt the RESALE VALUE of your GLADIATOR'S HELMET on EBAY.



You crash through the wall. It counts as a SIZE 4 STATIC OBJECT with STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY of 1, dealing 3 CRASH DAMAGE to your HELMET.



You are now at STUCKNESS LEVEL 1. You judge that this is a RARE ACHIEVEMENT based on how many times it has happened to you so far.



You come to the conclusion that the best way to get yourself out of this predicament is WISH FOR LEGOS.



...

Great.

You decide that the best way to get yourself out of this mess is to TEMPORARILY REMOVE YOUR HELMET.



HELMET disagrees with you once more, and decides to be HARD TO TAKE OFF.

You conclude that HELMET is a JERK.



Your current STUCKNESS LEVEL makes DEBATING WITH HEAVY OBJECTS difficult, but after enough OBJECTIONS and DRAMATIC DESK SLAMS, you finally manage.



Unfortunately you TEMPORARILY REMOVE your head as well.



Nuts. On second thought, you could probably have used the HELMET to SMASH OFF the LEGOS.
Your JERK OF A HELMET would have benefited from the PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE too.

Your DISEMBODIED HEAD starts thinking that this reminds you of HOMESTUCK. Except it's more like WALLSTUCK. Because this WALL SUCKS.



Actually this doesn't really remind you of HOMESTUCK at all. There's a lot too much RAMMING THROUGH DOORS and way too many SUIT JACKET CAPES. It reminds you a lot more of Breakin'.



You notice that your THIRST METER is rapidly rejoining your HUNGER METER in the SOUTH END of I NEED TO CONSUME STUFF RIGHT NOW TOWN.



The best way to remedy that would probably be to make yourself a CUP of TEA in the KITCHEN, but unfortunately for you, you haven't yet figured out where exactly the KITCHEN is.

You start wishing that you had CHECKED TO SEE IF THE DOOR WAS LOCKED instead of RECKLESSLY SLAMMING THROUGH IT, but you quickly stop yourself after remembering how well your wish for LEGOS went.



You fantasize about all the INTERESTING HAMBURGERS you could build, but unfortunately you are still stuck.
Your inevitable GRAND ENCOUNTER WITH THE HUGE WEAPON TRAIN will have to be postponed.



You decide to ignore the guy over in the CORNER.