Author |
Message |
DragonRage
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:34 pm Posts: 20 Location: At my house making my game
Gender: Male
Skype: destradiousmc
Currently Playing: Team Fortress 2
|
Character Name: Ming (I know, simple and unflashy) Character info: Has a chain sword. this sword is like a katana but it can become like a chain blade. Has an older brother who wants the sword from him. (this is because the sword belonged to their father, so he thinks the sword is rightfully his. typical big brother rivalry, right?) their father was in a war, but failed to stop the progressing army and died destroying half the army causing them to retreat. (the sword was then delivered to Ming) Ming lives on an Island of the coast of Japan. He is training to become a ninja at an academy on the island. skills: sword play, elemental magic, (water, fire, etc.) kung fu. weapons: Chain sword! Genneral quest: finish his fathers job, defeat his brother and MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT GET THE SWORD!!!! power level? OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL yeah... I'm sorta new to this. please! TIPS ON HOW TO ROLE PLAY WOULD BE APRECIATED! i've done this before but not like this. so... IF IT'S CRAPY IT'S BECAUSE I'M NEW TO THIS, OK?! THANKS! so, now wut? lol!
_________________Games Status DragonFire Mystic Thunder: %7 done Naruto Battle Blast: %3 MUSIC DragonFire Theme: %100!
|
Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:17 pm |
|
|
King of Squids
Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:17 pm Posts: 682 Location: Liquid space.
Gender: Male
Skype: DeusExAngelo
Currently Playing: Vanquish
|
| | | | DragonRage wrote: Character Name: Ming (I know, simple and unflashy) Like you stated, simple,but Maybe too simple.Character info: Has a chain sword. this sword is like a katana but it can become like a chain blade. Has an older brother who wants the sword from him. That's not descriptive enough, what do you mean by chain sword? Can the blade mystically become a chain? Is the blade attached to long chain and can be used as a long to mid range weapon? Needs more description on the mechanics of the weapon.(because the sword belonged to their father, so he thinks the sword is rightfully his. typical big brother rivalry, right??) Sure, I guess. But is there a little more depth to their relationship? Any psychological issues?their father was in a war, but failed to stop the progressing army and died destroying half the army causing them to retreat. (the sword was then delivered to Ming) Ming lives on an Island of the coast of Japan. He is training to become a ninja at an academy on the island. Which army? The opposing army? His army? What was this war about? Land? Boundaires? Economy? Also Ming isn't a japanese name last time I checked. You also may want to not use Ninja...Those are kinda’ overrated.skills: sword play, elemental magic, (water, fire, etc.) kung fu. Kung fu isn't Japanese...it's Chinese...weapons: Chain sword! *See comments above*Genneral quest: finish his fathers job, defeat his brother and MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT GET THE SWORD!!!! Why doesn’t he just give it to him? Is his brother evil? Is Ming a vile being who doesn’t want to give his older brother his birthright? What’s his motivation?power level? OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL ...Ughh...yeah... I'm sorta new to this. please! TIPS ON HOW TO ROLE PLAY WOULD BE APRECIATED! i've done this before but not like this. so... IF IT'S CRAPY IT'S BECAUSE I'M NEW TO THIS, OK?! Well…It needs a lot of work and refinement. The character is pretty flat and doesn’t seem to have any personality. You need to expand on a lot of the details to make this character more believable.THANKS! so, now wut? lol! | | | | |
Comments in Bold.
_________________Wharg.
|
Fri Apr 09, 2010 9:24 am |
|
|
DragonRage
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:34 pm Posts: 20 Location: At my house making my game
Gender: Male
Skype: destradiousmc
Currently Playing: Team Fortress 2
|
Woah. Talk about specific! Yeesh! It's my first character! Lay off a little! I'm brand new to this! I've seen your posts! Your character bios are like a book report! Telling a whole story about the character! Those comments really hurt! why did I even join role players in the first place!? And who cares about the name, country, and Kung Fu!? OMG!!! Ok. The big brother has always been stronger than Ming. He wants the sword because it has mystical powers. The powers allow him to command the army himself! (he killed his dad because he wants the sword. ) Ming is training so he can defeat his brother and stop the opposing army. His brother doesn't have full control over the army because some are bassicly the living dead and they'll only follow the holder of the sword. (good news for Ming who HOLDS the sword, huh?) yeah, did I forget anything?
_________________Games Status DragonFire Mystic Thunder: %7 done Naruto Battle Blast: %3 MUSIC DragonFire Theme: %100!
Last edited by DragonRage on Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
|
Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:11 am |
|
|
DragonRage
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:34 pm Posts: 20 Location: At my house making my game
Gender: Male
Skype: destradiousmc
Currently Playing: Team Fortress 2
|
Well sorta... I added more to that response I made!
_________________Games Status DragonFire Mystic Thunder: %7 done Naruto Battle Blast: %3 MUSIC DragonFire Theme: %100!
|
Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:28 am |
|
|
War P. Anda
Joined: Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:05 pm Posts: 1503 Location: in your heart all along
Gender: Female
|
It was constructive. He didn't insult you at all, he just gave you tips. Listening to other people's opinions and such things can help you further your skill and make you a more respectable person, especially when the person adressing you is much more experienced. Specific is a GOOD thing, and he was merely helping you improve your character quite nicely. Yes, you are brand new to this, but by following his advice you will get better. Once again, a descriptive bio is a GOOD thing, please try to realize this. I don't see anything wrong with the name but the lack of a LAST name, mostly because I don't know if his name is Chinese or not. You say he's from Japan, but Kung-Fu is Chinese. Even if this IS roleplaying, please try to be as realistic as possible in the sense of what country you're in and from and such when using real countries.
_________________
|
Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:41 am |
|
|
SS
Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:38 am Posts: 6670 Location: Darkest Antartica Country:
Gender: Male
Skype: Thaiberium
Currently Playing: The Game
|
You're assuming Japanese people can't learn Chinese Martial Arts.
|
Fri Apr 09, 2010 11:03 am |
|
|
War P. Anda
Joined: Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:05 pm Posts: 1503 Location: in your heart all along
Gender: Female
|
But so is Deux!
_________________
|
Fri Apr 09, 2010 11:10 am |
|
|
{420}sMoKeWeEd{420}
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:03 pm Posts: 2825 Location: being a genius Gender: little girl Country:
Gender: Anime Girl
|
Your response is so typical that I'm actually surprised you would do it.
|
Fri Apr 09, 2010 4:16 pm |
|
|
King of Squids
Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:17 pm Posts: 682 Location: Liquid space.
Gender: Male
Skype: DeusExAngelo
Currently Playing: Vanquish
|
It's very possible. But listen, I know your new to this an all' but I was far from being cruel. Other users can be very cruel, I'm just being constructive. It's not just about detail it's about order and balance. Here's a skeleton I made for you, try it out:
_________________Wharg.
|
Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:57 am |
|
|
DragonRage
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:34 pm Posts: 20 Location: At my house making my game
Gender: Male
Skype: destradiousmc
Currently Playing: Team Fortress 2
|
Oooooooooh!!! Thank you sooooo much! That skeleton will come in so much handy! Sorry I was being a jerk! I suck but now things should hopefully go better for me!!!! Thanks a bunch! (no kidding, no sarcassim ment)
_________________Games Status DragonFire Mystic Thunder: %7 done Naruto Battle Blast: %3 MUSIC DragonFire Theme: %100!
|
Sat Apr 10, 2010 9:03 am |
|
|
King of Squids
Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:17 pm Posts: 682 Location: Liquid space.
Gender: Male
Skype: DeusExAngelo
Currently Playing: Vanquish
|
_________________Wharg.
|
Sat Apr 10, 2010 1:48 pm |
|
|