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PETA slams Mario over use of a fur suit 
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VICE PRESIDENT JOSEPH BIDEN SLAIN
SMOKING SHOES ALL THAT REMAIN AFTER DRONE STRIKE

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:11 pm
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SURVEILLANCE CAMERA REVEALS DRONE TO BE PROPERTY OF US MILITARY
HACKING INVESTIGATION UNDERWAY

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:12 pm
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NEWKIRK SUSPECTED OF BEING AN EXPERT IN HACKING
"THIS IS A GUY WHO OWNS AND RUNS HIS OWN WEBSITE," SAYS OBAMA

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:13 pm
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NEWKIRK'S NBC SPECIAL'S DETAILS LAID OUT IN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
GRAND SPEECHES, PHISH CONCERTS, SALVATION FOR FURRIES, THE SECOND COMING, AND MORE

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:15 pm
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HAQQANI NETWORK'S TIES WITH NEWKIRK REVEALED ON INTERNET MESSAGE BOARD
"ALLAH IS GREAT! INGRID IS GREAT!" SAYS A MESSAGE BOARD POSTER GOING BY THE NAME OF "ALOHA ACKBAR"

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:17 pm
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OBAMA WALKS DOWN PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE WEARING SANDWICH BOARD READING "I HATE WHITE PEOPLE"
"I JUST HATE WHITE PEOPLE AND WANTED TO EXPRESS THAT," OBAMA TELL REPORTERS

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:19 pm
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OBAMA SEEN POURING WATER FROM ONE BUCKET TO ANOTHER AT PUBLIC FOUNTAIN
"WATER SIMPLY FASCINATES ME", OBAMA

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:20 pm
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OBAMA DRIVES BUS ACROSS STATE WITHOUT STOPPING EVEN FOR RED LIGHTS
"I'M THE PRESIDENT", EXPLAINS OBAMA

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:21 pm
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OBAMA DRINKS CLUB SODA AND MIRACLE WHIP CONCOCTION, POSTS VIDEO ON INTERNET
"IT'S BETTER THAN YOU WOULD THINK," SAYS OBAMA

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:22 pm
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OBAMA CARRIES MALIA TO THE TOP OF MOUNTAIN, STOPS SHORT OF STABBING HER
"IT WAS FOR A PLAY," EXPLAINS OBAMA

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:23 pm
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NEWKIRK HACKS NEWSPAPER, WRITES HEADLINES ABOUT HIS BEAUTIFUL SELF
AMERICA WOWED

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:24 pm
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NEWKIRK'S NBC SPECIAL AIRS
PROTESTS SWEEP NATION

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:25 pm
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i have to go do stuff now

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:25 pm
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also i just realized that ingrid newkirk is a woman
uhhhm f***
well to my credit she is gross and looks like geddy lee

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:29 pm
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Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:24 pm
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