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PETA slams Mario over use of a fur suit 
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MARIO PROCLAIMED TO BE "HEINOUS VEGIPHOBE"
IMAGINARY PLUMBER PUT TO SHAME ONCE AGAIN

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:18 pm
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DOZENS OF LEAVES SLAIN IN MAPLE TREE SHOOTING
IMAGINARY PLUMBER HELD AS PRIME SUSPECT

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:19 pm
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CONDITION OF MAPLE LEAVES PIERCED IN SHOOTING PROCLAIMED BY EXPERT TO BE "EXTREMELY CRUMBLY"
IMAGINARY PLUMBER FACES UP TO FIVE YEARS IN IMAGINARY PRISON

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:21 pm
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IMAGINARY PLUMBER TAKES OWN LIFE IN JAIL
"CRIED SELF TO FATAL DEHYDRATION," SAYS CORONER

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:22 pm
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IMAGINARY FUNERAL ATTENDED BY FEW
"MOSTLY FROM THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH," SAYS ORTHODOX PRIEST

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:24 pm
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MARIO'S BROTHER LUIGI KIDNAPPED, LEFT ROTTING BY SIDE OF ROAD
SHAME-MOTIVATED ACT BY MOTHER, AUTHORITIES CLAIM

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:24 pm
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PETA'S FURSUIT GAME CLEANS HOUSE AT SPIKE VIDEO GAME AWARDS
PETA FOUNDER NEWKIRK GIVES INSPIRING SPEECH

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:26 pm
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"I'M HONORED"
- LAST NIGHTS MOVING OSCAR SPEECH REPRINTED IN FULL

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:27 pm
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ANGRY LONGTIME MARIO FRIEND YOSHI ALLEGEDLY BREAKS, ENTERS NEWKIRK MANOR
SUSPECT FATALLY SHOT ON SITE BY GUARDS

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:29 pm
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PETA EYES THEMEPARK
PLANS TO CONVERT SIX FLAGS, HOME OF TALLEST ROLLERCOASTER, INTO FURSUIT-THEMED PARK

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:30 pm
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SCANDAL ENGULFS PETA PARK
6 WOMEN ACCUSE NEWKIRK OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:32 pm
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NEWKIRK LAUNCHES MAYORAL CAMPAIGN
SEX SLAVERY ACCUSATIONS "NOT WORTH A FIG," CLAIMS NEWKIRK

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:33 pm
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PRICELESS CHINESE PLATES DESTROYED IN NEWKIRK TANTRUM
CELEBRATED FURRY CONDEMNED BY SINOLOGISTS

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:34 pm
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FURRY NEWKIRK IN STANDOFF WITH POLICE
REFUSES TO TAKE DOWN ROOF-MOUNTED CANNONS

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:37 pm
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"EVIL CONSERVATISM" SOURCE OF WOES, SAYS NEWKIRK
BESIEGED FURRY APPEALS TO SECOND AMENDMENT

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Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:38 pm
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