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My character: Steven 
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:01 pm
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Name: Steven Uziel
Race: Magical or superhuman, whatever you want to call it.
Gender: Boy
Age: 16
Weapons: An electricly powered sword.

Abilities/powers: Can control electrical surges and waves. Can also control a, "dark", energy which looks like ichigos black energy when he uses bankai(from a show called bleach). Is more powerful in the dark and can fuse his 2 abilities to make black thunder.

Appearance: Wears black vans (shoes), blue jeans, blue shirt and black ripped up jacket, has black short spikey hair, blue eyes, is tall and skinny, but muscular.

bad against: girls. (doesnt like to hit girls), bieng in the light.(Weakens him)
good against: water users, bieng in the dark.

Backstory: Steven was one of those people who had a normal life, just wanted to live it, thats all. But of course something happens. In the future steven was a hero. Of course there was a villian, an evil. This evil had no name, because noone new what to call it. So people called it Evil. Evil was completly black, had horns with a ball of electricity in the middle of the two. Had red eyes and giant arms, claws, and teeth. Somehow it came from the future into the past, when Steven had no powers, at the age of 12. Evil had almost killed Steven. But before it could, it vanished in thin air. A parodox in time killed it, You cant have 2 of the same thing in the same place. 3 years later, Steven had fought Evil countless times. Steven even had a team of heroes. But then one day, Evil killed and slaughtered his team. Steven was very close to his friends. Using anger he killed Evil, by killing it he got its dark powers, but Steven is never really happy anymore, he's cold and dark. He may seem happy at times but on the inside he never really is.

I know that the character probably sucks, and the backstory does too, but im not that good at rping. You can probably see that though.

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Sat Nov 29, 2008 11:46 pm
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"Keep trying" Is my only advice for you. you'll get better at it. Backstory is kinda corny, but at least you took the time to make it. Don't worry, it gets very easy.

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Sat Nov 29, 2008 11:52 pm
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kittenpuncher wrote:
"Keep trying" Is my only advice for you. you'll get better at it. Backstory is kinda corny, but at least you took the time to make it. Don't worry, it gets very easy.
in a way, thanks. Yeah i know the storys corny but I suck at making storys. But i'll keep trying. :nod:

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Sun Nov 30, 2008 12:04 am
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Grammar

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Sun Nov 30, 2008 2:43 am
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A one paragraph backstory?
You're kidding, right?


Sun Nov 30, 2008 12:16 pm
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electrorocket wrote:
Name: Steven Uziel
Race: Magical or superhuman, whatever you want to call it. This is a good tip-off that this bio is poor.
Gender: Boy
Age: 16
Weapons: An electricly powered sword.

Abilities/powers: Can control electrical surges and waves. Can also control a, "dark", energy which looks like ichigos black energy when he uses bankai(from a show called bleach). Is more powerful in the dark and can fuse his 2 abilities to make black thunder. OH PLEASE CAN YOU NOT BASE YOUR STUFF OFF OF SOMETHING ELSE?

Appearance: Wears black vans (shoes), blue jeans, blue shirt and black ripped up jacket, has black short spikey hair, blue eyes, is tall and skinny, but muscular.

bad against: girls. (doesnt like to hit girls), bieng in the light.(Weakens him)
good against: water users, bieng in the dark.
^
Weaknesses and strengths could be less vague and included into the back story.



Backstory: Steven was one of those people who had a normal life, just wanted to live it, thats all. But of course something happens. In the future steven was a hero. Of course there was a villian, an evil. This evil had no name, because noone new what to call it. So people called it Evil. Evil was completly black, had horns with a ball of electricity in the middle of the two. Had red eyes and giant arms, claws, and teeth. Somehow it came from the future into the past, when Steven had no powers, at the age of 12. Evil had almost killed Steven. But before it could, it vanished in thin air. A parodox in time killed it, You cant have 2 of the same thing in the same place. 3 years later, Steven had fought Evil countless times. Steven even had a team of heroes. But then one day, Evil killed and slaughtered his team. Steven was very close to his friends. Using anger he killed Evil, by killing it he got its dark powers, but Steven is never really happy anymore, he's cold and dark. He may seem happy at times but on the inside he never really is. It can't get any more cliché. Simplistic antagonist, simplistic description of events, needs a thesaurus.

I know that the character probably sucks, and the backstory does too, but im not that good at rping. You can probably see that though.

Highlighted the spelling mistakes and added comments. That and I'm being rather nice about it. On a final note: Scrap the character sheets, write a real two or three paragraphs with what you have. You can do better than this I bet.

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Tue Dec 02, 2008 1:23 am
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electrorocket wrote:
But then one day, Evil killed and slaughtered his team.

How can you kill and slaughter something?
It's either one or the other.


Tue Dec 02, 2008 12:20 pm
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Longusernameislong wrote:
electrorocket wrote:
But then one day, Evil killed and slaughtered his team.

How can you kill and slaughter something?
It's either one or the other.

Slaughter means killing aggresively. I think.
I think he meant 'mauled'.

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Tue Dec 02, 2008 1:21 pm
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Copy'n'paste wrote:
Longusernameislong wrote:
electrorocket wrote:
But then one day, Evil killed and slaughtered his team.

How can you kill and slaughter something?
It's either one or the other.

Slaughter means killing aggresively. I think.
I think he meant 'mauled'.

That's my point.
If you kill something, it's dead, so you can't slaughter it.
If you slaughter something, it's dead, so you can't kill it.


Tue Dec 02, 2008 1:24 pm
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