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Zephyere 
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Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:08 pm
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Name: Zephyere
Age:18
Gender:Male
Height:4' 6"
Personality:Hyper,friendly & energetic
Apperance:
Powered down:A small sky blue dragon-like creature with a long snout, fluffy ears, blue ears & white hiar that He ussually dyes rainbow colors along with a fluffy tail, sky blue feathery wings & a fluffy chest. And a gray-blue bandanna with a with picture of a wind swril on it.
Powered up:Green armor with wing like protrusions from the shoulders & a green spiked,streamlined fins on the top of the helmet & a blue visor.
Powers: Areokenisis,Electrokenisis,Weather control,Super breath & Flying at insane speeds. He also has a great singing voice, can eat alot & is an excellent dancer & flyer.
And, He's good with any instrument.
Weapons:Bowgun,small sword & gun.

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Last edited by supertoku64 on Sat May 14, 2011 7:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Thu May 12, 2011 3:08 pm
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I suggest you re-read what you write before posting, there are some very blatant spelling and grammatical errors.

You need to do a bit more in the description area, the first description of his appearance is...adequate...but the "powered up" description is confusing. Where are these wing like protrusions? Green spiked, streamlined fins what? The visor? Also what do you mean by streamlined fins? Are they sticking out of the armour? Where?...perhaps on this visor?

Powers: Godmod=bad. Seriously, less is more. You should probably never use the word insane to describe a power, as it is most likely going to be overpowered...that and it's too ambiguous. His dancing, eating and singing are powers? If you focus on one power, it'll be easier for you to develop it and create an overall better character.

Seriously re-read what you write. Perhaps even read it out loud, if you stumble through or happen to get lost in a sentence, it's probably phrased incorrectly. This is best for early writers to spot simple mistakes. ^.^

A biography, though not always needed, are usually good for character profiles, they help to flesh out the character. They give a taste of their past as well as their future goals. Perhaps even provide insight into the world they come from.

Overall: If this was a bio given to me, I'd reject it. :/

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Thu May 12, 2011 5:46 pm
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Well...... He can eat anything & He can fly pretty fast.

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Thu May 12, 2011 6:36 pm
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...and the rest of what I said?

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Thu May 12, 2011 6:39 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:03 pm
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Location: being a genius Gender: little girl
Country: Japan (jp)
Gender: Anime Girl
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it's been 2 years
he'll never learn kiki


Thu May 12, 2011 7:07 pm
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We must train them Sayo, the life of the RPG section depends on it. We must go back to the days when there were more than 3 live RPs!

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Thu May 12, 2011 8:54 pm
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As Yoda would say, "we cannot train him. He is too old."

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Fri May 13, 2011 12:37 am
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Did some updates.

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Sat May 14, 2011 7:26 pm
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K I'm going to use your bio as an example of how you can make it exponentially better, and then you can follow suit with your own in the future. ^.^

Name: Zephyere
Age:18
Gender:Male
Height:4' 6"
Personality: Normally, Zephyere is hyper and energetic. He's a very lively individual, who's nature can at times be overbearing for his friends and family. Especially when his antics lead to annoyance. He is also fairly friendly, seeming to have a magnetic personality that allows him to make friends easily.
Apperance: While powered down, his form resembles a small sky blue dragon creature with a long snout. His ears are fluffy and blue. The rest of his hair is white, however he usually dyes it rainbow colours, most notably his tail, which is also fluffy. He has sky blue feathery wings and his chest also has hair similar to his tail and ears. [Tied around his neck?], is a gray-blue bandanna with a picture of a gust of wind on it.
While powered up, he has green armour with wing-like protrusions on the shoulders. On his head he has a matching green spiked helmet with streamlined fins on top, and a blue visor.
Powers/Abilities/Talents: Zephyere has limited control of the weather around him as well as the ability to control/generate wind currents and electricity. He is a talented flyer, capable of flying at high speeds, and has excellent control of his wings allowing him to maneuver near flawlessly.
Zephere has a keen musical ear, allowing him to play many instruments by ear. He is also a gifted singer. He can and will eat almost anything, the limits of his stomach seeming to be infinite.
Weapons: Crossbow ,small sword & gun.


Personally, I'm not quite sure why you made height separate from appearance but...k...4 mins of my life gone to the benefit of another's growth : D

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Sat May 14, 2011 8:43 pm
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Thank you.

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Sat May 14, 2011 9:01 pm
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