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Nyaero Gyokokaru 

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Nyaero Gyokokaru 
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:42 am
Posts: 471
Location: Why should I tell you?
Gender: Male
Currently Playing: Patapon 2, Worms:OW2, Dissidia Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy III, Final Fantasy IX, Final Fantasy VII
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Name: Nyaero Gyokokaru
Race: Water-Breath Human (A Water-Breath Human is a Human born underwater in a kinngdom in the depths of the Pacific Ocean known as Gaforrean. Gaforrean holds many secrets about the past of the waters of the land, and how it will all end. Water-Breath Humans can breathe on land and in water, making them a good idea for seaside rescues. They still have the human shape, however.)
Age: Around 19 years old
Place of Birth: Gaforrean
Appearance: About 1 meter 41 centimeteres tall, with a human shape, Nyearo Gyokokaru (He prefers to be called Gyokokaru) wears a black t-shirt with a round circle on it with two red diamonds horizantally overlapping in the middle, grey trousers, each decorated with the emblem of water and trainers with hidden water jets inside the soles. Ready to be fired, he can use them to drown enemies or reach places within a minute that it would take normal humans half an hour to reach. He has brown hair and eyes that have the same colour as deepest ocean depths. He carries a sword of steel engraved with the Gaforeanet (Language of the people of Gaforrean) words meaning "Water may be weak, but represents the patience to deal many blows in combat."

Story: Upon birth, Nyaero Gyokokaru was a healthy child. As he grew up, he seemed to excel in his combat classes. Deeming them boring, he skipped them continously, replacing them for lessons with Gaforreans most respected fighter, Giishan Kanaekeno. Around the age of 16, he was told by the village elder: "Nyaero Gyokokaru, you cannot remain here. It is your banishment for skipping important classes at the school here in this village." Shaking it off quickly on the outsidd, but pained and angered on the inside, he took a few essentials and rose to the surfaced, doomed to live a life on the land.

C+C guys, I'm planning to RP with this guy in the future.

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Well, that's that. I said everything I had to just then. Don't bother me again about it.
Pokemon Diamond FC: 4899 4911 1996 OH LAWL
Pokemon Platinum FC: 0130 9838 6816 Ash (Note: Not yet ready for battle but I have a Level 30 Shiny Shaymin in a Master Ball for whoever would like to give me a Level 50 Articuno/Zapdos/Cresselia.)
Pokemon SoulSilver FC: 4898 9417 2153 Kando (Who wants a Shiny Rayquaza?)


Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:39 pm
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Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:58 pm
Posts: 2715
Location: Kalifornio
Country: Somalia (so)
Gender: Anime Girl
Currently Playing: Mandolin
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Gyokokaru wrote:
Name: Nyaero Gyokokaru See bottom comment
Race: Water-Breathing(?) Human (A Water-Breath Human is a Human born underwater in a kinngdom in the depths of the Pacific Ocean known as Gaforrean. Gaforrean holds many secrets about the past of the waters of the land, and how it will all end. Water-Breath Humans can breathe on land and in water, making them a good idea for seaside rescues. They still have the human shape, however.)
Age: Around 19 years old A bit young, but better than being a younger teen
Place of Birth: Gaforrean
Appearance: About 1 meter 41 centimeteres tall, with a human shape, Nyearo Gyokokaru (He prefers to be called Gyokokaru) wears a black t-shirt with a round circle on it with two red diamonds horizantally overlapping in the middle, grey trousers, each decorated with the emblem of water and trainers with hidden water jets inside the soles. Ready to be fired, he can use them to drown enemies or reach places within a minute that it would take normal humans half an hour to reach. Whoa whoa whoa, that's erring of the side of Godmodding. Also how do they drown enemies? He has brown hair and eyes that have the same colour as deepest ocean depths. He carries a sword of steel engraved with the Gaforeanet (Language of the people of Gaforrean) More info on this language would be great words meaning "Water may be weak, but represents the patience to deal many blows in combat."

Story: Upon birth, Nyaero Gyokokaru was a healthy child. As he grew up, he seemed to excel in his combat classes. In before "combat genius" Deeming them boring, he skipped them continously, replacing them for lessons with Gaforreans most respected fighter, Giishan Kanaekeno. Around the age of 16, he was told by the village elder: "Nyaero Gyokokaru, you cannot remain here. It is your banishment for skipping important classes at the school here in this village." Huh? thrown out for that? That's harsh. Shaking it off quickly on the outsidd, but pained and angered on the inside, he took a few essentials and rose to the surfaced, doomed to live a life on the land.
A bit short, more details about his childhood would be better.

C+C guys, I'm planning to RP with this guy in the future.
Names have a strong Japones sound. It's not a huge issue, but people here find it a bit generic.


Threw in some basic questions and critiques.
Overall it's not too bad, but definitely needs some tweaking.

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Wed Feb 23, 2011 7:00 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:03 pm
Posts: 2821
Location: being a genius Gender: little girl
Country: Japan (jp)
Gender: Anime Girl
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that and rp's dead pigeon~


Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:36 am
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:42 am
Posts: 471
Location: Why should I tell you?
Gender: Male
Currently Playing: Patapon 2, Worms:OW2, Dissidia Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy III, Final Fantasy IX, Final Fantasy VII
Reply with quote
Whimzer wrote:
Gyokokaru wrote:
Name: Nyaero Gyokokaru See bottom comment
Race: Water-Breathing(?) Human (A Water-Breath Human is a Human born underwater in a kinngdom in the depths of the Pacific Ocean known as Gaforrean. Gaforrean holds many secrets about the past of the waters of the land, and how it will all end. Water-Breath Humans can breathe on land and in water, making them a good idea for seaside rescues. They still have the human shape, however.)Yeah, I guess I forgot the ending. Or did I?
Age: Around 19 years old A bit young, but better than being a younger teen
Place of Birth: Gaforrean
Appearance: About 1 meter 41 centimeteres tall, with a human shape, Nyearo Gyokokaru (He prefers to be called Gyokokaru) wears a black t-shirt with a round circle on it with two red diamonds horizantally overlapping in the middle, grey trousers, each decorated with the emblem of water and trainers with hidden water jets inside the soles. Ready to be fired, he can use them to drown enemies or reach places within a minute that it would take normal humans half an hour to reach. Whoa whoa whoa, that's erring of the side of Godmodding. Also how do they drown enemies? He has brown hair and eyes that have the same colour as deepest ocean depths. He carries a sword of steel engraved with the Gaforeanet (Language of the people of Gaforrean) More info on this language would be great words meaning "Water may be weak, but represents the patience to deal many blows in combat."

Story: Upon birth, Nyaero Gyokokaru was a healthy child. As he grew up, he seemed to excel in his combat classes. In before "combat genius" Deeming them boring, he skipped them continously, replacing them for lessons with Gaforreans most respected fighter, Giishan Kanaekeno. Around the age of 16, he was told by the village elder: "Nyaero Gyokokaru, you cannot remain here. It is your banishment for skipping important classes at the school here in this village." Huh? thrown out for that? That's harsh. Shaking it off quickly on the outsidd, but pained and angered on the inside, he took a few essentials and rose to the surfaced, doomed to live a life on the land.
A bit short, more details about his childhood would be better.

C+C guys, I'm planning to RP with this guy in the future.
Names have a strong Japones sound. It's not a huge issue, but people here find it a bit generic.I did NOT see that coming.


Threw in some basic questions and critiques.
Overall it's not too bad, but definitely needs some tweaking.

That "In before combat genius" has to go. He just did'nt like what they taught. He spent ten years just learning how to HOLD A FLIPPING SWORD!
Yeah, Gaforrean has a very strict law. Heck, for murder a citizen of Gaforrean could...well... words cannot describe the horror of the punishment.
I forgot to put a limit detail there. he can only use the water for about 78.67 meters of flight, so he tends to use his legopower alot. Also, if needs be, he can create an invisible link with underground water and the water storage in his shoes. As for drowning, they sort of generate a huge ball of water with magic they call Taeron and use more Taeron to hold the enemies head there until they drown.

_________________
Well, that's that. I said everything I had to just then. Don't bother me again about it.
Pokemon Diamond FC: 4899 4911 1996 OH LAWL
Pokemon Platinum FC: 0130 9838 6816 Ash (Note: Not yet ready for battle but I have a Level 30 Shiny Shaymin in a Master Ball for whoever would like to give me a Level 50 Articuno/Zapdos/Cresselia.)
Pokemon SoulSilver FC: 4898 9417 2153 Kando (Who wants a Shiny Rayquaza?)


Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:25 am
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:05 pm
Posts: 1527
Location: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*♥:・゚✧
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I'm not going to critique your character here-which is bad, to be very blunt-- so much as the way you take critique itself. If you care to pursue the wonderment that is growth in talent, you cannot attempt to improve on -only- the things that people point out- if you have to describe vital parts of your character post-sheet, be it what he wears, how he acts or things in the world he lives in, you have already failed at bringing this fictional somebody you think interesting to life. Every little detail you mention should be resolved-or in position to be resolved, such as a quest they have only begun to pursue-- by the end of the sheet, so we don't -need- to ask questions to get an accurate mental image. If your portrayal of this somebody raises more queries than it answers, that is the main thing you should attempt to improve upon, if only so we may nitpick about the smaller ordeals it presents.

I may throw together an actual review at a later date- we'll see~


Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:43 am
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Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:58 pm
Posts: 2715
Location: Kalifornio
Country: Somalia (so)
Gender: Anime Girl
Currently Playing: Mandolin
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Gyokokaru wrote:
Whimzer wrote:
Gyokokaru wrote:
Name: Nyaero Gyokokaru See bottom comment
Race: Water-Breathing(?) Human (A Water-Breath Human is a Human born underwater in a kinngdom in the depths of the Pacific Ocean known as Gaforrean. Gaforrean holds many secrets about the past of the waters of the land, and how it will all end. Water-Breath Humans can breathe on land and in water, making them a good idea for seaside rescues. They still have the human shape, however.)Yeah, I guess I forgot the ending. Or did I?
Age: Around 19 years old A bit young, but better than being a younger teen
Place of Birth: Gaforrean
Appearance: About 1 meter 41 centimeteres tall, with a human shape, Nyearo Gyokokaru (He prefers to be called Gyokokaru) wears a black t-shirt with a round circle on it with two red diamonds horizantally overlapping in the middle, grey trousers, each decorated with the emblem of water and trainers with hidden water jets inside the soles. Ready to be fired, he can use them to drown enemies or reach places within a minute that it would take normal humans half an hour to reach. Whoa whoa whoa, that's erring of the side of Godmodding. Also how do they drown enemies? He has brown hair and eyes that have the same colour as deepest ocean depths. He carries a sword of steel engraved with the Gaforeanet (Language of the people of Gaforrean) More info on this language would be great words meaning "Water may be weak, but represents the patience to deal many blows in combat."

Story: Upon birth, Nyaero Gyokokaru was a healthy child. As he grew up, he seemed to excel in his combat classes. In before "combat genius" Deeming them boring, he skipped them continously, replacing them for lessons with Gaforreans most respected fighter, Giishan Kanaekeno. Around the age of 16, he was told by the village elder: "Nyaero Gyokokaru, you cannot remain here. It is your banishment for skipping important classes at the school here in this village." Huh? thrown out for that? That's harsh. Shaking it off quickly on the outsidd, but pained and angered on the inside, he took a few essentials and rose to the surfaced, doomed to live a life on the land.
A bit short, more details about his childhood would be better.

C+C guys, I'm planning to RP with this guy in the future.
Names have a strong Japones sound. It's not a huge issue, but people here find it a bit generic.I did NOT see that coming.


Threw in some basic questions and critiques.
Overall it's not too bad, but definitely needs some tweaking.

That "In before combat genius" has to go. He just did'nt like what they taught. He spent ten years just learning how to HOLD A FLIPPING SWORD!

You didn't even answer that correctly. It wasn't aimed at him being bored, it was aimed at, "he seemed to excel in his combat classes," which denotes he has some innate fighting ability, which is very generic.
And, about your edition of "ten years" to hold a sword: really?
Swordsmanship takes years to perfect, but it doesn't take that long to hold a weapon, something that is very basic and can be done after at most a month of training. That anecdote completely contradicts his "combat prowess" stated earlier.

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Thu Feb 24, 2011 4:16 pm
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Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 9:16 pm
Posts: 12311
Location: vegas
Country: United States (us)
Gender: Male
Currently Playing: dungeon strategy crawler spaceships
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Gyokokaru wrote:
Whimzer wrote:
Gyokokaru wrote:
Name: Nyaero Gyokokaru See bottom comment
Race: Water-Breathing(?) Human (A Water-Breath Human is a Human born underwater in a kinngdom in the depths of the Pacific Ocean known as Gaforrean. Gaforrean holds many secrets about the past of the waters of the land, and how it will all end. Water-Breath Humans can breathe on land and in water, making them a good idea for seaside rescues. They still have the human shape, however.)Yeah, I guess I forgot the ending. Or did I?
Age: Around 19 years old A bit young, but better than being a younger teen
Place of Birth: Gaforrean
Appearance: About 1 meter 41 centimeteres tall, with a human shape, Nyearo Gyokokaru (He prefers to be called Gyokokaru) wears a black t-shirt with a round circle on it with two red diamonds horizantally overlapping in the middle, grey trousers, each decorated with the emblem of water and trainers with hidden water jets inside the soles. Ready to be fired, he can use them to drown enemies or reach places within a minute that it would take normal humans half an hour to reach. Whoa whoa whoa, that's erring of the side of Godmodding. Also how do they drown enemies? He has brown hair and eyes that have the same colour as deepest ocean depths. He carries a sword of steel engraved with the Gaforeanet (Language of the people of Gaforrean) More info on this language would be great words meaning "Water may be weak, but represents the patience to deal many blows in combat."

Story: Upon birth, Nyaero Gyokokaru was a healthy child. As he grew up, he seemed to excel in his combat classes. In before "combat genius" Deeming them boring, he skipped them continously, replacing them for lessons with Gaforreans most respected fighter, Giishan Kanaekeno. Around the age of 16, he was told by the village elder: "Nyaero Gyokokaru, you cannot remain here. It is your banishment for skipping important classes at the school here in this village." Huh? thrown out for that? That's harsh. Shaking it off quickly on the outsidd, but pained and angered on the inside, he took a few essentials and rose to the surfaced, doomed to live a life on the land.
A bit short, more details about his childhood would be better.

C+C guys, I'm planning to RP with this guy in the future.
Names have a strong Japones sound. It's not a huge issue, but people here find it a bit generic.I did NOT see that coming.


Threw in some basic questions and critiques.
Overall it's not too bad, but definitely needs some tweaking.

That "In before combat genius" has to go. He just did'nt like what they taught. He spent ten years just learning how to HOLD A FLIPPING SWORD!
Yeah, Gaforrean has a very strict law. Heck, for murder a citizen of Gaforrean could...well... words cannot describe the horror of the punishment.
I forgot to put a limit detail there. he can only use the water for about 78.67 meters of flight, so he tends to use his legopower alot. Also, if needs be, he can create an invisible link with underground water and the water storage in his shoes. As for drowning, they sort of generate a huge ball of water with magic they call Taeron and use more Taeron to hold the enemies head there until they drown.


Quote:
legopower


Quote:
legopower


Quote:
legopower

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I require more minerals


Sat Feb 26, 2011 12:23 am
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